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False Prophets Discuss Their Accuracy Rates

by Greg Miller
10/06/2012 / Humor

False Prophets Discuss Their Accuracy Rates
2012
　
The prophets of the false gods were determined to brag on themselves.
　
So they bragged unceasinglyto family and friends, neighbors, and to each otherespecially to each other.
　
"We're the best," bragged False Prophet No. 1.
　
"Yes, we are, aren't we?," agreed False Prophet No. 2.
　
"What are your accuracy rates?," asked False Prophet No. 3.
　
"My accuracy rate this week was 14 percent," bragged False Prophet No. 1. "That's a big improvement for me."
　
"My accuracy rate this week was nine percent," False Prophet No. 2 grinned. "But that's my best week since I began prophesying here at the School of the False Prophets three years ago."
　
"I was a bit off my game this week," admitted False Prophet No. 3. "But I still managed to score a credible 38 percent."
　
Head False Prophet then joined the conversation. "Each of you is doing a wonderful job," he complimented them with his usual sly smile. "I'm proud of you."
　
Head False Prophet continued, "I want to encourage you to keep up the good work. Always remember this, as prophets, it's always a percentage thing. If you ever score more than 50 percent in a week, that's as close to perfect as you're ever going to get."
　
"How long have you been in the prophecy business?," asked False Prophet No. 1.
　
Head False Prophet was overjoyed about his prophecy career. "I'll be 95 years old next week," he stated. "I've been a prophet for 70 years, including the last 20 years in my current position."
　
"How's your percentage of accuracy?," asked False Prophet No. 2.
　
"My overall percentage of accuracy is 43 percent," said Head False Prophet. "My best week's percentage was 56 percent."
　
"Wow!," exclaimed False Prophet No. 1. "You're the man!"
　
"Yes I am, aren't !," declared Head False Prophet. "Yes I am!"
　
From His eternal throne, God was listening to the conversation, and He knew He needed to address the false prophets, who trembled when they sensed the presence of the Sovereign Lord. "You guys are very proud of yourselves," God observed.
　
"Yes, Sir, we are," Head False Prophet admitted.
　
"I don't know why," said the Lord, "with such paltry percentages of success."
　
Momentarily, Head False Prophet forgot with whom he was talking. "I suppose you know someone else who can do better!," he sneered.
　
"I sure do," God chuckled. "When I give a message to a prophet to deliver, and he says what I tell him to say, my percentage of accuracy is 100 percent!"
　
"I need to learn to keep my big mouth shut," said Head False Prophet.
　
"Yes you do!," God agreed. "Yes you do!"
　
To contact the writer of this column about speaking engagements, including Christian Comedy Fundraisers and/or puppet ministry, please email [email protected].

By Greg Miller 2018

Greg is retired from the Elizabethton STAR Newspaper, after working there for almost 23 years. He now freelances for the paper. Contact email address is [email protected], also facebook.com/kidcool4jesus. Available for speaking engagements/other ministries. Jesus is Lord

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