How do I forgive myself when I have been too stressed out and got angry? When I believed more demands were being placed on me than I could handle. When my husband is in hospice and I have a full time job.
I look at mothers with small children and I wonder how they do it. They don't have evenings and weekends off. Today I saw a grandma in a wheelchair and her not too nimble husband trying to keep up with a grandchild that was moving at 100 miles an hour.
I know in my heart and in my spirit that God is a personal God. I have evidence in my life over and over again how He has guided me. So why am I having so much trouble trusting Him now when life is putting more demands on me than I feel that i can handle.
I have to remember that we all have times when God leads us through a desert, when the Master's hands are shaping the clay of my life. The stress has led to a stripping away of illusions I had about myself, that I was really able to trust in God and not look at the circumstances.
I usually help and advise others, now I have had to reach out for support in my church, to my friends, to family.
Usually I have very carefully tried to keep work separate from my personal life, and not make close friends at work or socialize with them outside work. I have always been afraid to make friends at work.
What would happen then if we disagree on something outside of work, but then still have to work together? The personal stress in my life has spilled over into my work life. I have had to be honest with some co-workers about what is happening.
It has been harder to stay focused at work and not make mistakes.
How do I forgive my self when I am not a perfect robot, able to focus and function no matter what is going on? God made me human, and humans make mistakes and feel stress. I want to trust God, and remind myself that He loves me unconditionally.
This painful process has been an exercise that has stripped away illusions I had about myself, and made me become more open to others.
I hope by sharing this, that if you see a co-worker who is hurting due to illness in the family or other major stresses, that you will have compassion if they do make mistakes. Try to be supportive as they juggle work and their personal life, sometimes not too successfully.
I am in that place right now, and I have to trust God hour by hour, day by day. I need to ask for His grace, I can't do this on my own strength.
(C) Janet Riley, 2014. I know God as a personal God who communicates with us, if we listen. I am starting on a Christian writing career and open to where God leads me. Please review my other articles at FaithWriters. I would like to hear from you. Please email at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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