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by Bob Valleau
5/11/2013 / Humor
Insomnia gets the better of me sometimes. I hate it when I awake in the middle of the night and feel a strange attraction to that one-eyed demon that we have all come to loathe or love. Now, since the advent of the computer, iPhone, iPad and everything else digitally imagined, that one-eyed demon has multiplied. However, temptation draws me to the familiar remote, and I start clicking away as an answer for a cure.
I'm amazed at how alert I am while surfing through the channels. Suddenly, I stop and focus my attention on an infomercial that screams how much time I have remaining to order the latest exercise product. It's a belly and bottom blaster, thigh atomizer and all-around body toner thingy that costs only $199.99. No, wait. It's marked down to only $59.99, and, if I'm one of the next ten callers, they will reduce it by another $10!
I reach for my phone. I've got to have this. I can't live without it. After all, the svelte female model, tells me it's time I take control of my life and do something positive. She says my body is nothing but putty, and, with this gadget, I can whip it into any shape I want.
My hands tremble. My eyes twitch. My mind reels. My heart races faster than a runaway train. I feel lost at sea, gulping in air as I bob up and down in the water. But do I really need this? All I know is that I have no time to waste. I have to order NOW! Yes, that's it. Dial the numbers before the clock ticks away my only chance of morphing my body into the rock-hard idol I've always dreamed about. Oh, good. Someone answers.
"Am I one of the ten callers?" I yell. "Please tell me I am. Please!"
Yes. I am. Eureka! I'll be billed only $49.99. What's that? Of course I want the instructional video, daily journal and energizing pills. Throw in the extra elastic bands, good luck beads, charm bracelet and 90-day guarantee for a nominal fee. Just charge my card, and let me bask in the glory of my life-changing product that you will ship, for a few bucks more, overnight.
"Great. We will charge your card only $499.99. You'll soon be on your way to a new and better you. Have a great day!"
My hands tremble. My eyes twitch. My mind reels. My heart races faster than a runaway train. I feel lost at sea, gulping for air as I bob up and down in the water.
What have I done?
Slowly, I crawl back into bed, pull the covers over my head and secretly pray for Jesus to return before morning. Another sleepless night, and, like a fool, I've sealed my fate until way past dawn.
Bob Valleau has over 30 years of writing experience for the Christian market. He was once named Christian Writer of the Year (San Antonio, Texas) by the American Christian Writers Association. He is the author of four books.
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