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Give Me Diamonds

by Susan Lower  
10/06/2006 / Parenting

For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle willing to yield full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. (James 2:16, 17)

I want a car, a house, a swing set for my kids, to be cool in the summer and warm in the winter, a want all these things and more. The words rush out, gush, without a sputter.
He shall give you the desires of your heart. But the evil within responses of course He will, just as long as you only desire Him.

There is a raging war inside there, this part called my heart. It beats with life, with agony, and quickened pulse. I want all the things I could never have, but mostly the ones I gave up. Selfish. Part of me thinks not. Part of me writhers away from the light of truth.

How do we deal with wanting versus contentment? I want a car. Will it make me happy? Maybe, but only for a handful of days when I dont have to share. Oh wait, isnt that the lesson Ive been teaching my kids everyday when they each want the same toy, the same book, the same chair? Why would they have to share if I dont have to?

I want a house. A big house with three bedrooms, maybe four, with a garage and white picket fence. Dont we all? It sounds nice doesnt it? Each child with their own room. There would be a swing set in the back yard to play on. No more walking to the park and chasing after them when they have strayed. Oh yeah, and air conditioning in the summer and heat in the winter. Its the perfect house for me. A dream house, but not reality.

I want it, I want the car, the house, the swing set, the comfortable environment. Doesnt mean Ill get it. Doesnt mean the dream will go away or the sun wont shine. I just want it, but I dont need it.

Two kids, two bedrooms, three beds, four people in the same house. There it is again, that sharing thing where both my kids have to sleep in the same room. Each morning my toddler wakes up and makes silly faces at my four year old across the room. Mornings can be a real riot around here.

Afternoons are filled with playing games, reading stories, and walks to the park at the top of the hill. There my children indulge themselves in the joy of swinging on a swing, sliding down the yellow slide, and chasing each other around on the half paved basketball court. My toddler loves to race off in all the wrong directions. The big wide swing waiting for me to sit down, to take a load off my feet, to have five minutes of peace keeps waiting. I have to chase after my child and bring him back to me just like a shepherd watching over his flock.

This is my flock, the family I have shared, and the children bore to the man I married. Out of breath I redirect once more my toddler to the play ground. I think I know how God feels watching over us each day. Ive got two; one, two, and he has multitudes straying off each day. The responsibility he gave me worth more than any car, any house, and swing set money can afford.

But I want that house, that car, that swing set. The sweat drips from me in the summer in the shade of my dwelling. I bundle my children in layer and layer of cotton and wool in the winter to be warm. Everyone else has it, why cant I?

Because Im different. Im selfish. I let the heat of a bad moment allow the dark part of me to escape with frustrated words and glittery dreams. Then I look to the diamond on my finger and wager the worth. Its not dollar signs Im seeing when I gaze upon the clear brilliance of the rock. Commitment. The second ring beside it is a confirmation of a vow, a promise to endure through better and worse.

But how can it be any worse right? It can be, if you let it be. But you didnt get that house, you have to share one car, your kids walk to a playground or play on a neighbors, and you dont have air conditioning in the summer. Your right I dont have those things, and it took a few words in the heat of a misguided argument to make me realize I didnt need them. I was listening to the ravings of woman who was not me. I strayed a moment, and needed someone to redirect me.

Ladies, there is more to life than diamonds. A rock so expensive we can not touch it in a thousand life times. God gave a piece of it to me and Hell share it with you. I wake up each morning to the silly sounds of my toddler, and tuck sluggish little bodies into bed each night. There is my peace that is my moment, my time, and my reward for being a stay at home mom.

What we do with that little piece of the rock is up to us, but I want it. How about you?

Susan Lower is a 28 year old mother of two. In 2002 she became a stay at home mom after giving up the stresses of being an accountant. She has always loved to write, and thanks to the encouragement of her husband, is now picking the pen back up and letting God inspire her words.

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