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"JUST GET OVER IT." THANKS FOR NOTHING!

by Jeffrey Hagan  
9/08/2014 / Health

Introduction:
A lot of people say a lot of really dumb things, particularly when they think they have more knowledge about something than they actually do.

I don't know why, but there are multitudes of people with no medical training and little to no experience with illness that think they know what's taking place in the bodies, and even the minds, of those of us who suffer with fibromyalgia, chronic pain, chronic fatigue syndrome, and the anxiety and depression that most often exists with these conditions. You will hear these people say foolish and uninformed things like, "Just get over it," "Just snap out of it," or "If you'd just get out more you'd feel better."

Missing the point:
Such people completely miss the point that these illnesses are not some kind of a choice. They typically view fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome as if though they are a mental illness, which they are NOT, even if they were they're also missing the point that "mental illness" is no more of a "choice" than physical illness. It's sad because many truly believe that millions of people actually decide to be sick (why would anyone decide this or choose this is beyond me). Or, they believe millions of people are just too weak to handle life's stress.

The truth of a cartoon:
I was doing some research online and came across a cartoon that makes a very valid point. The title of the cartoon was "If Physical Disease Were Treated Like Mental Illness." It showed people saying things like, "Have you tried...you know...not having the flu?," "I get that you have food poisoning and all, but you at least have to make an effort," "It's like you're not even trying," "Well, lying in bed obviously isn't helping you. You need to try something else," and "You just need to change your frame of mind. Then you'll feel better." It makes a very valid point about how people view mental illness and how they attempt to "treat" it, but it is all too common for some physiological conditions to be treated the exact same way.

Depression:
Many of us are afraid to admit we struggle with depression for fear of all of our symptoms being blamed on that condition. It happens often, less nowadays but still happens, at the doctor's office, where we work (if you're lucky enough to be able to work), and even in the judicial system. Someone gets stamped with a "just depressed" identifier, and then all of the stigma that comes with that label follows suit. A couple of reasons this is particularly bad are:

Depression cannot, and does not, explain everything we struggle with. Not only that, there is clinical evidence which clearly shows fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue are completely different from major depression.
Even if depression is the only diagnosis one has it should still be treated for the serious, often disabling, health problem it actually is and not just dismissed as a person who needs to "just get over it."


This quote from actor/comedian Stephen Fry, himself one who suffers from depression and suicidal thoughts, as well as bipolar disorder, is pertinent to our brief discussion: "If you know someone who's depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn't a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather."

So when people advise us to "just get over it," we should advise them to just get over being short, or blue-eyed, or having brown hair. Ask them if they'd give the same advice to someone suffering from HIV or Parkinson's Disease, both of which have symptoms in common with fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, and other disorders. Stand up for yourself and don't let them get away with these little jabs in their attempt to demean us or undermine the seriousness of our condition(s).

Educate yourself:
The more educated we become regarding our condition(s) the more ammunition we have to counter people's ignorant and uninformed comments. Sometimes sarcasm is necessary and even helps us in our efforts to get people to understand, but there are also more dignified ways of addressing these issues to. Following is an example of a little bit of both that I came across in an article by Adrienne Dellwo:

UNINFORMED, RUDE, AND/OR THOUGHTLESS PERSON: "'Fibromyalgia's not a real disease, it's just what doctors say when they don't know what's wrong with you.'

DELLWO: 'Are you aware that it's classified as a neuro-endocrine-immune disorder because it involves so many major bodily systems?'

UNINFORMED: 'Um, no.'

DELLWO: 'Did you know it involves dysregulation of at least five major neurotransmitters as well as structural changes to the brain?'

UNIFORMED: 'No.'

DELLWO: 'Did you know we have decades of research showing dozens of physiological abnormalities, and that doctors are supposed to follow very specific diagnosis criteria?'

UNINFORMED: 'No, I didn't.'

DELLWO: 'It's a complex disorder that most people don't know much about. If you'd like to learn more, I can give you some links.'

UNINFORMED: '(Slinks away feeling far less confident than when making the original statement.)'"

Conclusion:
Often times it's particularly hard to confront people about their ignorance. All of us with these conditions know that the stress of it can exasperate all of our symptoms. It starts pumping out the adrenaline, tightening our muscles, upsetting our stomachs, but if we let our fear of confrontation win out we allow others to make us feel like a victim. All in all it is typically healthier to go ahead and respond, to stand up for yourself. However, this is not the case all of the time. Sometimes it's just not worth speaking out and is better to just walk away. Some people will not even attempt to understand, other people can have things explained to them countless times yet they continually return to their hurtful and thoughtless words, and some will continue to think they know it all regardless of what evidence they are presented with. So, picking and choosing your battles is very wise for those of us who suffer from one or more of the conditions this article is addressing.

Something that can be done which is less stressful is to get their email address, or other social media contact information, and then send them a good article or link with suggestions. Then the ball is in their court. They can check it out or ignore it and a confrontation doesn't have to take place.

I hope this helps some of my fellow sufferers at least a little bit, even if it's just being able to agree and relate with the information. Take care all of you, and oh yeah, "Just get over it!" :-)

by Jeff Hagan, ThD, CEdD
(c) Jeff Hagan. All rights reserved.

Jeff Hagan is the President of True Grace Ministries and Theological Institute. Interested? www.preacherjeff45.wlxsite.com/truegracetheolgical

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