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Church Officials Meet to Discuss Requirements for Salvation

by Greg Miller
10/21/2014 / Humor

By Greg Miller 2014

A group of church leaders gathered for a summit to discuss the requirements they felt were necessary to spend eternity with God.

I believe we should practice the Gold Rule! exclaimed Greta, who taught the Great Adult Sunday School Class. She quoted Matthew 7:12, where Jesus said, Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.

I believe we must concentrate our efforts on evangelizing children, said Giselle, who taught the Great Childrens Ministry.

The Bible talks much about giving, said Galileo, who taught the Great Christian Astronomy Course. I think if we give a certain percentage of our income to God we are assured of salvation.

If we gather in church to worship five days a week, we are reserving great spots for our great mansions in Gods great heaven, opined Grecia, leader of the Great Church Ladies Group.

Reading the Bible completely through at least three times each year will guarantee eternal bliss, stated Gina, known as the Great Giver. Gina served as the treasurer of the Great Giving Church.

History is an important aspect of our Christian faith, said George, Assistant Pastor of Great Church. Based on that fact, we must read and learn biographical information of all Old Testament and New Testament characters. By the way, my favorite Old Testament character is the prophet Jonah. The Lord Jesus Christ is my favorite New Testament character.

We must be baptized in the Jordan River, said Gerry, who taught the Great Women of the Bible Sunday School Class. Jesus Himself was baptized there.

Becoming proficient in all the newest technological media is necessary, opined Gershwin, who conducted the Great Church orchestra. The Lord gave us all these new technologies. Im sure He expects us to use them.

Gabriel, who played the trumpet in the Great Church orchestra, chimed in, A brand new and exciting requirement has been added to the list of qualifications for eternal life. Everyone who wants to be a Christian in good standing must now learn to play the trumpet.

Gabriel added, And be willing to practice a minimum of five hours each week!

Grace, the Minister of Grace at the Great Grace Church of Grace, had the final word. Grace quoted the Scripture, Ephesians 2:8-9, For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.

That will be the last word on the subject, Grace said. I knew all along I was right!

To contact the writer of this column about speaking engagements, including Christian Comedy Fundraising Outreaches, Christian Creativity Seminars, and/or puppet ministry, please email [email protected] or send a message to me at facebook.com/kidcool4jesus.

By Greg Miller 2018

Greg is retired from the Elizabethton STAR Newspaper, after working there for almost 23 years. He now freelances for the paper. Contact email address is [email protected], also facebook.com/kidcool4jesus. Available for speaking engagements/other ministries. Jesus is Lord

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