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Rebel to the Death - Part One

by Rev. Will. Harrison Jr.  
10/08/2006 / Testimonies

Here is a brief testimony of how I came to know The Lord Jesus Christ, and become converted, born again, washed clean, healed, delivered, and called into the Ministry. I have a very involved and complex story of that time of my life so I'll be leaving out a lot in this Part One. Part Two to follow soon.

The year was 1975 in the late Spring at an Air Force Base in Eastern New Mexico. I was 22 at the time and nearing my next birthday. I had just married the girl of my dreams the year before, after a very short courtship. Things were not going well for us as a couple. Neither of us were saved, and we were very naive in many things, although we didn't think so at the time. Our marital relationship problems were mostly my fault and I desperately wanted to stay married. My dear wife who was 7 months older than me was very much in love with me but had a hard time dealing with me. I was a very bitter, angry, selfish young man, terribly bound by so many things, and I could tell deep down that I was on a greased pole sliding towards the end. Un-forgiveness, anger, the occult, worshipping music, addicted to drugs and alcohol, continuous partying, gross immorality, and the list goes on and on. When my wife and I met she was untouched by the worldly ways I knew because of her socio-economic and cultural background and I wanted her to participate in everything I was doing. She tried, and tried to enjoy it all, just to be near me, but her heart wasn't in it. She was also very suspicious of people besides and was insanely jealous. But compared to me she was a "good sinner".


One Friday morning after we had argued, again, I went to work at the base where I was stationed. It felt like everything was coming to an end. I was miserable, she was miserable, I half wanted my life to end and half wanted to be somehow "rescued". It was also payday, and lunchtime came around and I went to the Base Exchange Store to buy something and while I was there I was made to remember how my wife had been saying she wished she had become a nun like she wanted to when she was younger and maybe now she will. I was thinking her dream husband was a bad dream and she didn't want to try anyone else anyways. Then the thought came to my mind "why don't you buy her a Bible." I thought, she wants to go be a Nun, maybe I can at least help to make her happy with me somehow as we go our separate ways. So I began to look at the Bibles and picked one I felt would be right for her, a paraphrased Living New Testament. It felt really good buying that Bible. I signed it in the front cover and took it back to work with me prepared to give it to her when I went home. (psst...I was being set up and didnt know it)

I worked in an office at a desk keeping track of the many trails of sensitive munitions ordinance. I was the offices problem child and had some really bad attitudes. As a result I was not given many duties or assignments and basically sat around everyday doing nothing. So while sitting there at an empty desk way in the back room of our small office building, I began to try to rehearse what would take place when I got home and gave my wife the Bible. I actually felt a little hopeful. While dwelling on that another thought came to me, "well, why don't you read it". I began to say to myself, with a mocking sort of chuckle, " why not, it can't hurt, I have nothing else to do, and it will be kind a laugh. Maybe I'll feel better. " I reached in the top drawer, pulled out the Bible, and took a red flair pen and said to myself quite smugly, "I'll finally put this thing to rest and underline everything I don't like or agree with and be done with it." I always felt very intellectual and sure I had all the answers I needed. Of course, no answers to any of my problems but boy I had that Jesus stuff figured out................

A lot of this short story you're reading is presented with much hindsight, so I try to weave together some pre-sight, we might say, as to where my head also was at that time. It's really difficult after 30 years now to not use hindsight. I'm not the same person at all the I used to be, Thank God.

So I got the red flair pen out and at the ready and began in the book of Matthew, right in the front, easy to read version, and the hunt was on. Only I soon found out that I was the one being pursued. I was so sure that I would begin finding so many things I was to underline that I would "bleed" red pen ink all over that thing. Instead of me finding fault with what I was reading, it began to find fault with me. Plus, I became so enthralled, engaged, captivated, almost like I jumped right into the very scene I was reading about, like some on the spot reporter or something. Immediately after only a couple of pages I began to read things that I.....liked and agreed with, and then there was this Jesus person. He literally jumped out at me from between the lines of every page, even every word. Especially the words in Red. And I don't mean Red from my flair pen but from the publisher, His [Jesus] very words. There was just something about this person that I could not describe, explain, articulate, and I really still can't, yet He was so much more real to me in those moments than anything in my life that I actually could explain. I was arrested literally in my seat and in that Book and couldn't put it down, and the red flair pen was going "a mile a minute". Only now it was things that I liked and agreed with. Funny how that works, when you've been set up. I believe to this day that It was love at first sight and I was a goner.

Not only did I fall in love with this Jesus, His Father, and The Holy Spirit, but I wanted so bad to be just like Him. And I read in those pages that God, three in one also wanted us to be like Jesus and was actually prepared to make anyone that way, someday, whosoever wanted to and would let him. And it was only the first afternoon. And boy that afternoon went zippin by. You should have seen the looks I got and the comments and noise I heard from everyone in the office seeing me [reading a Bible] "Oh God they said, he's gone over the edge now, hes got religion] How right they were. Praise God. Hold on, there's more......

It almost goes without saying that I did not take that Bible home to my wife that day, didn't even tell her I bought it, but I kept it at work in the top drawer and everyday I went to work I spent the entire day sitting there carefully and slowly reading it, baptized in it, red pen flying. I couldn't get it out of my mind, I couldn't wait to read more, and after about a week reading it through to the Revelation of Jesus to John, I was under incredible conviction of sin and conviction of many other truths as well. There were a few times while I was reading those first few days when certain verses and passages here and there just jumped out at me like a bullet with my name on it. But I kept reading and finally decided that after I went all the way through it once I would go back and locate those "special spots" and highlight them in some way. I was slowly getting a sense somehow of what I needed to do, and think, and feel, and say, etc.

While going through the second time, again through the amazing Gospel accounts of the Life and Times of Jesus, I was almost coming unglued. I was nearing critical mass, as they say. I got as far as Romans the 10th chapter the 9th-11th verses and I said to myself "there it is", over and over. I had to immediately go down the hallway into the mens room and lock the door and "talk" to God. While standing there looking in the mirror and giant tears welling up in my eyes [and that kind of weeping was unusual for me most of the time] I could not stop thinking about all the ways I had proven myself to be sinful to my fellow man, to myself, my wife, and my maker. Yet at this point all I could see was the horror of my "Sins" from the viewpoint of a single individual and how those sins related to my world around me and to others, etc. Much like being made aware of how wrong something was that you have done to someone and the damage it caused and the pain, etc. But not from their point of view. I was crushed and I more than knew at that point that I was bad, compared to what God had in mind when he made us. I began to weep many tears and tasted the bitter pill of despair, discouragement, anguish, embarrassment, shame, and so on. It was powerful, but nothing compared to what came next. While looking in the mirror into my own eyes, at myself and at my sinfulness I was given a very brief but very clear view of God's point of view of my sins and my sinfulness, not just mine or someone elses, but his own personal point of view. I was crushed. I began to sob almost uncontrollably, fighting back being too loud for fear of being heard and interrupted. I had nothing to fear, no one knew a thing. All I could think of saying or thinking or doing was to verbalize to the Lord my deepest sorrow, remorse, regret, and obvious agreement with everything I was being shown. And then my mind turned to those verses in Romans and I whispered them through my sobs, and told the Lord that I believed and knew and agreed and confessed and wanted him to take the "steering wheel" of my life, take it over, quickly please. Before I die.

I didn't really know what else to say, I didn't really feel like I knew how to pray, even though I had at times in my life called out to a "god" I thought was there. I even called out to the devil at times to see if I could get a better response from him. Neither of them seemed as eager as I wanted them to be to help me. This even right now at this moment wasnt exactly what I would call going to Church here in the bathroom, [or was it.] I had almost no religious upbringing other than church attendance at Christmas, Easter, or a Funeral or Wedding. My parents were very moral and believed there was a Creator, but it didn't go much beyond that. Neither did mine. While finishing my prayer and relaying my Faith in those verses in Romans I began to feel such an unbelievable sense and awareness of the love and mercy and forgiveness of God, [ although I knew that He knew all about me] at the same time as the profound sense of my sinfulness in all respects. [yet he wanted to forgive me anyways] It was completely equal both ways. Feeling so low down and unworthy of a blessing and so worthy of what I caused to have happen to Jesus, [ my own personal contribution] and at the same time and the same amount feeling forgiveness and compassion and a love that I could not identify with on a human level. I also felt like such a load lifted off of me. I said Thank You so many times and I couldn't stop saying for weeks afterwards, "it was right there all this time, right there in the Bible all this time, what I had been looking for all my life was right here, In Jesus..............I just never realized it and had been kept from it.

There's so much more, such as, did you take the Bible home that day, did you tell your wife, so many questions. Part Two coming soon.

Rev. Will. Harrison Jr. Minister since late seventies, living with disabilities, married with children, should not have been saved. Former white & blue collar businessman. President and Founder LifeBuilders Ministry www.lifebuilders.mysite.com

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