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UNFORGIVENESS & BITTERNESS GO HAND IN HAND

by Jeffrey Hagan
1/23/2017 / Christian Living

by Dr. Jeff Hagan

Scriptures: Matthew 18:21-22; Luke 6:36-37; 23:34; Romans 6:10; 14:10; Ephesians 4:32; Hebrew 12:15; Genesis 50:19-21

Introduction:

Forgiveness is an easy word to say but a difficult action to carry out. However, the Bible repeatedly speaks of forgiveness so we cannot ignore its importance. Nor can we over emphasize the significance and impact of forgiveness.

Being unforgiving is a much more natural result for us human beings, but it is far more damaging as well. An unforgiving spirit does not just sprout up within us over night. It involves a series of responses, or lack of responses, and therefore takes time to develop.

Charles Stanley, in his book The Gift of Forgiveness, identifies ten stages that his experience has taught him people with an unforgiving spirit go through (pp. 110-115). As my experience has led me to similar conclusions I am going to use his list as a springboard for mine. I will of course be changing, editing, adding, subtracting, and adapting it to my own personal specifications. With my list I came up with nine.

In Developing an Unforgiving Spirit WE:

One: Get Hurt – An unforgiving spirit starts when we are hurt or wronged in some way. It does not matter if the hurt came from a physical, emotional, or verbal source. It does not matter if the hurt happened when we were children, teens, or adults.

All of our hurts really stem from some type of rejection; that's really what it boils down to. We may not even recognize it as rejection right away, but that is what happens when others wrong us. We can feel “hurt, pain, abandonment, embarrassment, hatred, or some other negative emotion.” But it all comes back to rejection.

So, feeling rejected is usually what starts the development of an unforgiving spirit. And guess what? This means every single one of us can easily fall into this category because we have all felt rejected at one time or another. We need to be aware of this in order to protect ourselves from letting this attitude creep in.

Two: Become Confused – Many times our initial reaction to being hurt is confusion. It is similar to a mild form of shock. It is hard to believe it is really happening. Sometimes there is even a physical reaction like an empty feeling in the pit of our stomach. This stage usually lasts only a brief period and then we move straight on to the third.

Three: Look for Detours – All of us want to avoid pain. Because this is true, when we are hurt emotionally we tend to find ways of avoiding those painful thoughts and memories so we do not have to think about them. “We take mental detours.” When certain thoughts begin to enter our head we block them. When a topic of discomfort comes about, we suppress it or change the subject. This desire to work our way around previous pain instead of through it is what causes many people to spiral into alcohol, drug, and other types of addiction.

The detours we make are not just mental in nature. Physical detours are also taken. We start avoiding places that cause us to relate to our past hurts. We even begin avoiding certain people that are in some way connected to our past hurts. Anything, anyone, or any place that reminds us of the pain becomes taboo to us.

Four: We Bury It – After we do the above, we try and rearrange our thoughts and lives in a way as to never have to come in contact with anything reminding us of our pain. We bury the pain; we dig a hole as deep as possible and cover it up in a feeble attempt to forget anything ever happened.

Five: We Deny It – The next step, or stage, is denial. We deny we even felt pain from a given situation. We deny we are covering up any emotions or past hurt. We put on a happy face, a mask really, and make claims such as, “Oh, I got over that a long time ago.” Or “I forgave that person months (or years) ago.” Or “Oh, I don't let the kind of stuff bother me.” And all the while we are lying to ourselves.

Six: Become Defeated – No matter how successful we think we are at attempting to bury our pain it will force force its way out through how we behave. Temper problems, paranoia, anxiety, shyness, jealousy, and being overly critical can all be signs of rejection that has not been properly dealt with. And, until we deal with the root of the problem we will continue to be unsuccessful at trying to change.

Seven: Becoming Discouraged – This is the most crucial stage, in my opinion. It is usually the point where one gets professional help or “bails out” of their current situation altogether. After time continues to pass by and nothing seems to have gotten better, or no change has been noticed at all, we start to feel hopeless about the whole situation.

Eight: Realize the Truth and Take Responsibility – Many times through the help of another, or by the graciousness of God, we discover the root of our bitterness. We are finally able to see how the past and present are connected. Everything kind of falls together and we see it clearly for the first time.

So, it is here we own up to our responsibility. We realize we need to stop blaming others and stop waiting for everybody and everything else around us to change. We finally open our hearts up to God so He can have His way and He can do His work, despite how it might cause us even more pain.

Nine: Deal With It – When we finally deal with an unforgiving attitude within ourselves the result is deliverance and a new sense of freedom. That unforgiving attitude that may have caused “embarrassing, inappropriate” family and friend dissolving behavior can be dealt with and put behind you.

You may be thinking, “But you have no idea what has happened to me. You have no idea the things I have gone through.” While that may be true, to be fair, you do not know the things I or anyone else have gone through either. Besides, I have dealt with and known people in all kinds of situations, situations you cannot even begin to fathom, who have been liberated by learning forgiveness.

NOT YET WILLING TO FORGIVE:

You may still be thinking that your situation is so extreme that you will never be able to forgive the person that has hurt you. While this response can be expected, maybe even a little healthy at the very beginning, the truth is you could forgive if you were willing to. If you do not eventually get to the point of forgiving, it could literally ruin your life and only you would be to blame. “If you are unwilling to forgive, you have one (or more) of several problems.” A list of the possible hindrances you may have regarding forgiveness follows this paragraph. But let me state once again, this list is also inspired by, and adapted, paraphrased, and perhaps at times even quoted from Charles Stanley's book The Gift of Forgiveness.

One: Selfishness – It could possibly be the result of selfishness. You were hurt, you did not get your way, something was unfair (or at least perceived unfair). So, you turned your thoughts inward and started caring only about yourself, your rights, and your feelings. You have the ability to do something about it if you wanted to, so not doing anything is actually an act of selfishness because you choose to wallow in self pity.

Two: Pride - Your problem, or part of it at least, could be pride. When pride is present forgiveness is virtually impossible. Pride whispers in your ear to get back at those who have hurt you. Allowing anger to take up residence in your heart makes you feel like you are getting some kind of revenge, when the truth is the only one it is hurting is you. The thing to remember here is God is the Judge. In God's timing those who have caused hurt to others will have to pay the penalty for their sins (Romans 14:10, “Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God:”). Until then, we are supposed to forgive.

Three: Low Self-esteem – Maybe you have trouble forgiving due to low self-esteem. This one may seem odd at first so let me explain. When one struggles with low self-esteem they feel insignificant in the first place. Many times, without even realizing it, they will attach their significance to “the wrong they suffered.” When this happens the person feels they cannot “afford to forgive.” To put it another way, if they dealt with the issue that is causing their pain it would be like taking away the thing most “essential,” or connected, to their present identity. They would have no more sob stories to share for attention. They would lose their excuse for procrastination and self victimization. Sympathy they are receiving from others would cease.

All of us have this trait to varying degrees. Ask yourself this question, do you seem to bring up a particular event(s) in your past when you were hurt by being treated unfairly? In order to know for sure, ask those you confide in the most if you do this. Perhaps ask your therapist, closest friends and family, but be willing to allow for them to answer honestly. Forgiveness is the key to obtaining freedom from this.

Four: Think You've Dealt With It – It is possible that you may think you have already dealt with your unforgiveness in the past. It is quite possible that you acknowledged you needed to forgive someone for some reason, but never really did. You may have even prayed about it and meant it when you prayed. However, there is still evidence in your emotions and communication that you have something still eating at you on the inside. If you still feel uncomfortable around those who have wronged you, or if being around places or things remind you of them or make you feel discomfort, then you probably have not yet totally dealt with the issue. Later on in this article I will show you practical ways of exercising forgiveness.

Five: Pain – Maybe you have yet to forgive simply because it is painful. It is painful because forgiving things from the past means bringing up the memories which can cause the original pain to resurface. This is especially true if the wrong done to you is so deeply buried that it has all but been forgotten. When this is the case even just the idea of digging up that old wound causes some to run and hide. Childhood traumas make up a large portion of this category.

Six: Don't Know How - Perhaps you have not forgiven because you don't know how. Maybe you have reached a point where you are ready but just do not know what to do. Well, this is a good place to be. Later in the article the information provided will help you understand and deal with forgiveness.

“Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ has also forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32).

LEARNING HOW TO FORGIVE:

Every one of us has had to deal with forgiveness at some level. What make take one person just a shrug and a smile to work through could be a very long process for another. To one, a handshake and the incident is over; to another, an intense process of prayer, time, and godly advise is needed. Either way, it is a process that cannot be ignored or bitterness and resentment will take hold of our lives.

What I hope to accomplish with the remainder of this article is to provide information and offer practical ways in which one can learn to how to forgive. Before that can be accomplished there are a few misconceptions, or barriers, we need to take care of before truly forgiving.

MISCONCEPTIONS AND BARRIERS:

First, “Is justifying, understanding, or explaining someone's behavior the same as forgiving them?” I'm asking this a bit tongue in cheek because I know that it is not. Understanding an individual's motive or reason for causing hurt (stress, anxiety, etc.) does not equate to forgiveness. Understanding an individual's situation is a part of the process of forgiving, but only a part.

Second, another mistake that has made its way through generations is that “time heals all wounds.” This cliché is highly over used and it is inaccurate. How can the mere passing of time lead to forgiveness? An adult survivor of child abuse can suffer the affects from not truly forgiving for decades after the harmful incident.

Third, “Is forgiving others denying that we have been hurt or pretending that the hurt was no big deal?” Again, the answer to the questions is “no.” But, somehow the belief that this is true has crept into our thinking. This type of denial works against the goal of forgiveness. Denying the hurt caused to us by others can cause real physical, mental, and/or emotional pain. It is denying a part of who we are at that moment.

Fourth, another big misconception, that can cause worse problems than we originally had, is that in order to forgive someone we must go to the individual personally and verbally confess our forgiveness to them. Doing this to someone who has not sought out our forgiveness can more often than not create deeper problems. A point to ponder here is that God forgave us way before we came to Him and asked for it. The Lord has even forgiven us for things we will never remember to ask forgiveness for.

I almost never advise someone to actually go the individual who hurt them and ask for their forgiveness. I say “almost never” because there are a couple of exceptions to this general rule: One, we do need to confess our forgiveness if the guilty party asks for it. This helps clear their conscience and shows them we hold no animosity; Two, if we strongly feel the Lord (and not our ego) want us to confront another about a sinful pattern of behavior that directly relates to how we were hurt by them. This must be done with graciousness, caution, love, and is best done with the help of godly counsel.

Forgiving others takes much more than just putting time between us and the painful event. Forgiving someone is more than just offering up a few words of prayer. Forgiveness is a “process that involves understanding our own forgiveness and how that applies to those who have hurt us.”

FORGIVING OTHERS:

Forgiving others is something we have to deliberately decide on doing. In other words, for the most part forgiveness does not come naturally. In The Gift of Forgiveness by Charles Stanley, he lists five steps that are included in the process. Once again I am going to adapt, paraphrase, and expand on his work at this point. The steps are:

ONE: We must recognize and remember that WE have been completely forgiven. Once we get a grip on how deep our sin is, how depraved we are, how much space our sin places between us and God, and how great a sacrifice it was for Him to forgive us and restore fellowship with us, we should be eager to begin the process of forgiving others. Romans 6:10 states, “For the death that He died, He died to sin, once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God” (Matthew 18:23-34 would also be appropriate to read at this point).

SECOND: Next, we need to free the person from the debt we think is owed to us for whatever it is they did to offend us. This must be done mentally, emotionally, and at times physically. This means taking all of our negative, resentful feelings and releasing them to Jesus. If the person has passed away, lives too far away, or approaching the person is just not appropriate, I suggest role play with a Christian therapist.

THIRD: At this point we need to accept people as they are. We need to free them from any responsibility we feel they might have to meet our needs. For some, certain individuals can make or ruin their day simply by the attention they give or fail to give. This is far more common in those who are not willing to forgive. I'm not saying we excuse unacceptable actions, that's a topic for a different time. However, when we deliberately make it a point to take action and forgive, we free others from any responsibility we think they may have to meet our needs. In doing this we also free ourselves.

FOURTH: We need to see those we have forgiven as tools of growth that God has placed in our path so we can better understand His grace. God's grace is too deep for us to truly understand, but if we can forgive those who have wronged us we can see but a glimpse of what God's forgiveness has done for us.

A great biblical example of this is Joseph. It is clear from what we know of Joseph's life in the Old Testament that he understood this aspect. His brothers did some unthinkable things to him, including leaving him for dead, but he was able to forgive them. He saw them as tools of God working out His purpose:

“Do not be afraid for am I in God's place? And as for you [speaking of his brothers], you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive. So therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones” (Genesis 50:19-21).

FIFTH: The last thing we need to be sure and do is to “make reconciliation with those whom we have estranged.” How this happens is going to vary from situation to situation. But one thing is universal, if there is family (near or far), past employees or employers, or perhaps a former friend we have avoided due to bitterness in our hearts, then we need to “reestablish contact.” We might even begin by apologizing ourselves regardless of how we feel. (Again, there are definitely exceptions. For instance, an adult woman who was molested by her own father when she was a child and that father has NOT confessed or repented. Reestablishing contact in this case could prove detrimental. Forgiveness can still be achieved, but contact would be highly ill advised).

It is interesting though, as soon as the wall of unforgiveness is torn down, it allows former feelings of warmth, joy and love to return. There truly is joy in the process of restoration.

WHAT ABOUT REPEAT OFFENDERS?

At this point you may be asking yourself, “What if the one I/we have forgiven hurts us again? What if the very same thing happens all over? Will it make what I/we've done any less real?” Obviously, at first it is going to sting. We are sure to feel anger, bitterness, and pain. We will be reminded of how we were hurt in the past (this is a favorite ploy of Satan). It is possible we will even start doubting ourselves, doubting if we were sincere or not when we made the decision to forgive that person.

If this occurs remember that forgiveness is an act of the will. It is something we need to make a concerted effort to do. The initial sincere decision needs to be followed by the “faith walk of forgiveness.” Stand firm on the decision to forgive that person and any other necessary forgiveness that might come about. This is absolutely essential in replacing the deep-seated memories of the pain of the past. New acts can be committed by the same individual that you may need to apply new forgiveness to. This needs to be done without connecting the present pain to the pain that has been caused to you in the past.

An extremely important point to remember is that forgiveness is for us and our well being. It is possible the other person may never change. They may continue in their ignorant ways. That is okay. It is God's business to change people, not ours. “It is our responsibility to be set free from the pressure and weight of an unforgiving attitude.”

Matthew 18:21-22, “Then Peter came and said to Him, 'Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?' Jesus said to him, 'I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.'”

SIGNS WE HAVE TRULY FORGIVEN:

Negative feelings will begin to leave us. When we come across these people in life we will feel our hostility and resentment turn to concern and often times even empathy.
We will accept those who have caused us pain without feeling the need to “correct” or “change” them. We will accept them for who they are and even get a better understanding of why they act the way they do.
We will gain true concern about the needs of others that will take the place of our concern over what they did to us.

Forgiveness is not easy. As I have repeatedly said throughout this article it is a process. But, a process necessary to live the free, communal life Christ wants us to live. He wants us healthy and in healthy relationships.

If we will commit ourselves and keep our eyes on the One who forgave us in all of our sin, “it will be a liberating force like nothing else we have ever experienced.”

A BITTER PILL TO SWALLOW:

Many times bitterness lies beneath the surface of our unwillingness to forgive and be forgiven. It is a destructive force that keeps us from peace and damages relationships. The Bible give us a warning about the root of bitterness:

“See to it that no one comes short of the Grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many are defiled” (Hebrews 12:15).

The thing about bitterness is we can hide it from everyone else by letting it out as other characteristics. We do this in several different ways – we express bitterness with anger, gossip and even passion. However, we cannot keep God from seeing our bitterness. Our own bodies turn against us when we remain bitter. Bitterness is never constructive, but it is always destructive.

We have a strong tendency to try and justify bitterness: “I have a right to be bitter. We were both up for the same promotion and he lied to the supervisors about my work habits and ended up getting the job. That is a lot more money I could be making and now the bosses seem to be looking over my shoulder. I can't just smile and act like nothing happened. He hurt me deeply and it has caused problems and I'm not just going to let him get away with it.” But we cannot do this! We cannot let bitterness take root in our lives.

The term “root” is used in the above verse and it is interesting because roots bury themselves, they go deep and they need to be fed. Bitterness needs to be fed. We do this with our mixed up idea that we have some kind of “right” to be bitter. The truth is though, as Christ-followers we have no right to feel entitled to bitterness.

If we let bitterness take root in our life, take root in our heart, we virtually give up control of ourselves. We cannot live healthy lives with bitterness because bitterness will eventually eat away at us from the inside out.

RESULTS OF BITTERNESS:

It is quite likely that one is not even consciously aware that they are harboring bitter feelings, but the results of bitterness can be subtle or severe, as well as numerous:

One: Physical Ailments – Bitterness is like a machine that runs twenty four hours a day seven days a week. And this machine uses our bodies as fuel. The “bitterness machine” is running when we are asleep, when we are lounging around, when we are visiting friends, etc. It is running all of the time. This is true because bitterness really becomes a lifestyle and an attitude, it is not simply the result of an isolated event. It just keeps on going draining fuel and energy all the while.

It is clear in the medical and psychological communities that anger, bitterness and other related emotions directly correlate to high blood pressure, heart disease, ulcers, and a host of other physical ailments.

Two: Relationship Problems – Bitterness can emotionally cause paralysis. We may really want to love someone, but we are simply unable to allow ourselves to do so. It is not that we do not want to; we just do not have the ability to do it. Some parents find themselves wondering why they cannot love their children, and some children wonder why they cannot love their parents. Spouses wonder why they cannot love each other as they should. Deep down this lack of proper emotion can almost always be traced to some type of bitterness that has grown to resentment.

“Bitterness has so many little sprouts to it. Distrust is one of them. Insecurity is another. When the Bible says 'see to it that...no root of bitterness (springs) up,” it is because the consequences when they do are vicious and ongoing.

Three: Spiritual Barriers – Bitterness causes much guilt also. You see, we know how we should not feel toward people and we get convicted when we act contrary. We know God does not like it, yet we continue feeling bitter.

Be honest with yourself. How many of us hang on to little, or big, things that have caused us to feel rejected? How many grown adults today are angry because we do not feel loved? When we reflect on those who have caused us pain or have in some way wronged us, we need to own up to, and deal with, those feelings.

Some of what happened to us may have been a long time ago. In fact, it may have been so long ago that we think any force those feelings may have had on us must have dissipated by now, or are maybe even gone altogether. But, our thoughts remain affected. An unforgiving spirit is an exasperating emotion that none of us can afford to have weighing on our shoulders. (It may be appropriate to read anew the account of Samuel, Saul and David at this point if you desire).

It is extremely sad. “Bitter, angry parents often fling verbal javelins at their children, shattering their child's self-esteem, their sense of belonging, their sense of ability. Parents impelled by bitter attitudes can destroy children with their bitterness...”. Don't get me wrong, it goes both ways. Who has not heard stories about rebellious teenagers, or bratty children? It may very well be, at least in part, because these strong willed teens and children are acting out from an inner bitterness, not just the parents.

BATTLING BITTERNESS:

Once we have battled bitterness and won, we return to being generally calm; our temper is restored to more gentle times. Our reactionary fuse becomes longer, or in other words, we are not as apt to “blow our fuse.”

As was stated previously, full restoration usually takes a long time. Healing the inside of ourselves takes much longer than a physical healing like a broken ankle, arm, or leg. We may have lived with emotional injury for as long as we have been alive, but we cannot truly love until we have truly forgiven.

How do we get motivated to begin the forgiveness process that rids us of bitterness? Well, two things immediately come to my mind:

One – Think of how much better you will feel once the weight of all the negative affects of bitterness are no longer in your life. You will feel free, you will feel happy; you should be both emotionally and physically healthier. That alone is a good motivation factor.

Two – As Christ-followers we need to listen to, and obey, the teachings of Jesus. His call for us to forgive others, found in the Sermon on the Mount in particular, comes to mind:

“Be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful. Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven” (Luke 6:36-37, NKJV).

In saying the above, Jesus did not mean God will not forgive us unless we have forgiven everybody in our lives. What Jesus is saying here is, “if we do not forgive God is going to apply some pressure until we do.” Jesus repeatedly taught forgiveness. He taught it and demonstrated it. Remember His words even from the cross, “Father forgive them; for they know not what they are doing” (Luke 23:34).

Jesus never withheld forgiveness and as His followers that should be our goal as well. In our own strength that may not be possible, but by faith and with the help of the Holy Spirit, we can forgive even the most painful of hurts. And as we do forgive others, “we enjoy reconciliation and the joy of healthy, loving relationships.”

STEPS FOR GETTING RID OF BITTERNESS:

Getting rid of bitterness is a process that can take a good amount of time. However, it is worth it as it leads to emotional and spiritual health and freedom. The steps are simple to list, and with prayer, they can actually be carried out as well (these steps come directly, for the most part, from The Gift Of Forgiveness, by Dr. Charles Stanley, pp.169-170).

Make a list of the ways in which “that person(s)” has offended you.
Make a list of your own faults (yes you have them, we all do).
Make a list of things you have done and for which God has forgiven YOU.
Ask God to help you view that person who has wronged you as a tool use by His hand.
Ask God to forgive you for your bitterness toward that person(s).
Decide in your heart to assume responsibility for your attitude.
If you feel it is appropriate, and it will not cause more problems than it solves, go to that person, confess your bitterness, and ask forgiveness. Remember, you are assuming the responsibility for your attitude; you are not trying to solicit repentance. [I must give some advice of caution regarding this last step of Dr. Stanley's. Approaching another person improperly can lead to much deeper problems than what was originally there. I strongly advise you ask for godly counsel on whether or not this step is appropriate for your situation, and if so, get advice on how to do so effectively].

We can do one of two things. We can be unforgiving and let our bitterness fester, or we can make the choice to forgive and allow the Holy Spirit to help us be the kind of person God wants us to be. We have to consciously make the choice to see hurts and wrong doings as chances to grow emotionally and spiritually.

FINE-TUNING FORGIVENESS: A CONCLUSION

I am going to conclude this paper on forgiveness by suggesting some points of action. I am going to share with you information in order to help you apply the things you have read to your life. A list may seem a bit simplistic, and I know there is no “magical formula,” but actually acting on these steps will not be quite as simple as it may seem. It takes some time and work to forgive people appropriately, but practical steps can certainly aid you in the process. These points also serve as a summary regarding much of the information we have covered in this paper.

First, remember that forgiveness is NOT...

-justifying or making excuses for the actions of the one who hurt you

-forgetting about the hurt and trying to let time heal the wound

-asking GOD to forgive them (you are the one who needs to forgive)

-simply asking GOD to forgive you for your harsh feelings toward the one who wronged you, it's more than that

-denial: “I'm just being a baby. Others have had it far worse.”

Second, remember that approaching someone face to face to forgive them is usually not a very good idea, especially if they have not asked you to forgive them. This can cause accusatory feelings and lead to even deeper problems.

Third, find a time and location where you can be alone and uninterrupted for a while.

Fourth, pray and ask God to bring to mind everyone who has done something to you which you need to forgive. Ask God to remind you of the specific things they did that you need to forgive them for.

Fifth, take your time. List everything and everyone that comes to you mind; even if it seems small or silly. List it all.

Sixth, grab a couple of chairs, place them so they are facing each other, and sit down in one.

Seventh, act and think as if the first person on your list is sitting in the other chair. Let out everything you can remember that the person did to hurt you. Don't hold back; let the emotions and truth flow out.

Eighth, actively choose to forgive them from that point forward. You may not feel completely forgiving right away, but if you mean what you are saying God will bring the correct feelings to surface.

Ninth, release that individual from whatever it is you feel you are owed. Actually verbalize something to them. Have a conversation with them (the chair). It can be as simple as, “I completely forgive you. You are now free.”

Tenth, if the person is still in your life, now would be the time to accept them for who they are without feeling a need to change their attitude or actions.

Eleventh, thank God for actually using each of these people, which you have gone through this process with, as a tool for you to change in a way that better understands His grace, love and forgiveness toward you.

Twelfth, prayer. As you speak to each person (or chair) pray. I am not one for programmatic prayer recital, so just use words that feel right for you given the situation.

Thirteenth, and last, once you have gone through your entire list of painful experiences and the people you needed to forgive, pray one final time. Pray in faith and thankfulness for the process having been completed. Pray for your reliance on Him in these matters in the future.

*Article inspired by, and highly adapted from, "The Gift Of Forgiveness" by Dr. Charles Stanley

Jeff Hagan is the President of True Grace Ministries and Theological Institute. Interested? www.preacherjeff45.wlxsite.com/truegracetheolgical

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