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SITTING ON MY MOTHER'S COUCH

by linzy bruno
12/18/2023 / Testimonies

I’ve always believed in God, but I haven’t always allowed the Sovereignty of God in my life. Somewhere along the way I forgot that Christ Jesus is supposed to have the position of LORD in my life. He needs to be King. But, like so many kids I was raised in a highly dysfunctional home with only one Christian parent whose approach to raising kids was sorely lacking in spiritual guidance. Therefore, being brought up in a semi-religious home, with only one highly intimidated parent’s faith at the spiritual wheel, the only thing I learned about faith in Christ was how to live a lifestyle of legalism; my mother’s intentions notwithstanding.

I went through all of my school years hiding behind my arms; tightly wrapped around a stack of textbooks. I was labeled the opposite of cool upon being given the name, ‘four-eyes.’ I just didn’t fit the mold of the cool and popular kid, and in my school that was all the other kids needed to make me a favorite emotional scapegoat; like I took on the appearance of an emotional punching bag. Rather than be commended for my studious demeanor and encouraged, even the teachers agreed, Linda Morse was a dork. I became increasingly withdrawn and saddened, not to mention insecure and self-conscious.

This led me to grow incredibly vain and self-centered, and hindered in immaturity. This went on until, (and after) I married an abusive man; fully convinced he was the only one who would have me, fled with my 7 month old back to live with my parents, and subsequently sank into even deeper unsatisfaction and boredom, despite the thrills of motherhood, (which were intense.)

After a few months at my parents’ house, the boredom was getting to be too much to bear. Sitting on my mother’s couch, during my son’s naptime one early afternoon, I finally took stock of my spiritual condition and realized I hadn’t grown in my faith at all in many years. I wasn’t even praying on a daily basis. In that moment, I was blown away. Maybe my depression wasn’t really based in the fact that I had no home of my own, was going through a divorce, and was lost as to how to go forward in my life for myself and my little boy. I had a revelation; a complete lack of commitment to prayer could be behind the funk I was wallowing in and simply returning to my first love, King Jesus could be all I needed to get my spark back and break the stagnation of my spiritual condition, not to mention lift my spirits, and shed new light on how to establish a more certain future.

I prayed a prayer of thanks and started a fresh and revived countenance before God. I couldn’t believe how much better I felt or how quickly things began improving. It has been a gradual process, but in only a moment everything changed, and I have never looked back.

Since that day I have steadily, although not perfectly, grown in the Lord. He began a work in me and the journey has been anything but boring. Now when things are getting a bit too quiet and that feeling begins to grip my soul, I’ve developed a new way to quickly return to joy and gratitude. First by walking around my home in acknowledgement of all the Lord’s gifts and blessings. Recalling all He has done for me and my family and the people and events He brought those things through has been a blessing in itself. Praising the Lord for how miraculously He has provided for me, including keeping me safe through abuse, guiding and comforting me when I was facing the possibility of homelessness and helping through the pain of rejection by my father, the kids in school, men who claimed to love me; I can’t help but fill with thanksgiving that He has always been there for me.

He engages me in thanksgiving and my spirit soars! I ponder the goodness of my God and recall all of the amazing things He has done in my life; all the revelations of things that needed changing in me, some of which I am still working on, some of which I have enjoyed victory. I cannot help but experience the fullness of joy in the Holy Spirit when I praise Him in thanksgiving. And through continuing in devotion before Him, through the relationship that prayer enables, studying His Word, and following in His Ways, I determined to keep Him as Lord and Master. Developing this simple, but profound habit has been a life-changer for me. And He has continued to do His Work in me. And moreover, even the thought of what it was like trying to live without King Jesus makes me cringe; I am so grateful for that revelation He gave me on my mother’s couch that day.

So, boredom is what brought me to a place where spiritual growth could finally blossom. I may have started out bored, but great joy and supernatural zeal has continued to thrive in me since the day I realized, no doubt through Holy Spirit inspiration, that without prayer, my relationship with God would remain dull and stagnant, and life would continue to leave me dissatisfied.

Of course, life has plenty of ups and downs and mine has been no different; still abiding in Christ Jesus brings victory to my soul. I used to bounce around between a garden variety of moods that only my mother seemed to have the power to subdue. Of course her understanding and patience could only go so far, for abiding in Him is THE only weapon against boredom and dissatisfaction.

Jesus called me to go deeper with Him. Even though a believer, without a deep and abiding relationship with Him, I would never be able to abide in joy. He used boredom and dissatisfaction in my life to open my eyes. Sitting on my mother’s couch that day, God gave me the revelation that even with a wonderful family, a comfortable home in which I would always be welcome, and even a beautiful baby, the only way I would ever find lasting satisfaction and joy in everyday life is through surrender to Him. He has to be King. He made it clear that afternoon. He called me to commit myself to prayer so that my relationship with Him could grow and I could also grow spiritually, and be all He has called me to be, and all He has called me to do for Him and His Kingdom. And I pray that I will always make Him smile.

Linzy has been writing for many years; seriously since her 3 kids were still young and inspirational. She has taken 2 courses in Bible studies and completed "Four Soils" Bible study course in a 26-month period; earning her certification in Bible Counselling.

Article Source: http://www.faithwriters.com-CHRISTIAN WRITERS

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