"Go on Karen" Momma said as she pushed on my back with the palm of her hand. "Go on up the steps and give your Great Uncle Ed a kiss goodbye" she pushed a little harder as I stumbled forward not wanting to take a step closer.
Something about him gave me the heebie-jeebies. I was only five years old and the Holy Spirit was with me then as He is now. But at such a young age, without any understanding of how the Holy Spirit works in you, all I understood was that that man gave me the creeps. So I reluctantly ran up the walk way and up the steps to where my mother's uncle was sitting in his chair on the porch. Reaching my arms up to hug him around the neck, he lifted me up as the rest of my family watched and ooood at how cute I was in my dress and curly hair. Then without anyone being able to see, he kissed me on my mouth and stuck his tongue down my throat.
I pushed myself down, turned and ran to my mother and hid behind her, wiped my mouth off with the back of her dress and gagged. Mom turned to me while saying to her Aunt, "Oh no she's getting car sick and we haven't even gotten down the road".
Visiting my mother's Aunt and Uncle was the first trip we took in a car. It was 1960 and I remember Daddy was proud of that used shiny black 1955 Chevy. It was fascinating to look out the back window as we went from Annapolis MD to Pittsburg PA. It was a lot better than being on a bus too, as I got bus sick. I'm also sure my Mom appreciated the trip in a car in hopes of not dealing with a sick child. I didn't get sick on that trip, so I asked mom why she said that to her Aunt Hazel. Mom just waved goodbye to her Aunt and Uncle and told me to turn around, sit down, and be quiet as Dad cranked up the engine and slowly pulled away down the road.
I got up on my knees and turned around and leaned my elbows on the back of the seat. Looking out the back window, I watched my Great Aunt waving and as she grew smaller the feeling of wanting to gag got less and less. I didn't wave back. I was puzzled and without thinking, as usual with a curious child, blurted out a question to my mom. "Mom, why did your Uncle Ed stick his tongue down my throat?" "What!" she screamed.
"Mommy, you made me hug him and he stuck.." Out of nowhere, her hand grabbed the back of my dress. "Now, I told you to sit down, turn around and sit in your seat" she yelled.
"But Mom, why?"
"Karen, you have a big imagination", she yelled and slapped me across the face.
That scene was a long time ago. It was the first of many sexual abuses that came my way. That one taught me to not talk about bad things that happened to me, because no one would believe me. So, in turn I learned at an early age how to stuff my feelings and forget. I also didn't trust my God given talent to stay away from people that gave me the creeps.
God has done a lot of healing through the years. It's 2008 and I'm not the same person I was years ago. I've forgiven my Mom for not protecting me. I've forgiven myself for not listening to that inner voice to stay away from certain people and things. Satan used my Great Uncle to damage my mind and emotions, but in the long run, Satan lost and God has won.
Be of courage not of fear my dear friends that read this story. Don't push a child where he doesn't want to go and listen to them. Lift them up to God in your prayers. Allow the Holy Spirit to guide your steps and if you get the heebie-jeebies that's okay. That's just a tool, a feeling, a way God alerts your senses to be cautious.