Difficult In-Laws: Severing the Umbilical Cord (Part 1)
by Angie Lewis 11/15/2006 / Marriage
Some in-laws are overbearing and controlling. Some in-laws can’t seem to keep their opinions out of your marriage. I don’t believe most in-laws intend to be this way; it is a part of their personality. Some in-laws don’t think their son or daughter married the right person and so unintentionally treat their son or daughter in-law with contempt. Some in-laws are jealous of the person their son or daughter married. All of these things are wrong and can be very detrimental to marriage.
A problem in marriage today is when a married man has not yet severed the umbilical cord with his mother. The man who puts his mommy first, before his wife, will have a terrible marriage. This kind of a guy does not understand what his position is as a husband because he is still living as a little boy. If a “mommies boy” marries the type of woman who wants a husband instead of a son for a marriage partner, there will be incompatibility problems. Some wives’ don’t mind mothering their husbands but many women want a man who is in control of his life and knows what he wants.
Why have some married men not yet cut the umbilical cord with their mother? Because their mother has never afforded that opportunity to happen. She has the need to be bossy and domineering with her son and through it has created a “little-big married boy” in the process. Fortunately this can be rectified by first understanding that a man is not married to his mother, and his only obligation to his mother is to respect and honor her. He does not have to do what she says anymore. He does not have to do anything that would keep him from producing fruits for his own family.
A married man’s first priority should be his wife. Of course a godly man will place God first in his life so he can love his wife properly. So men, if you are still clinging to your mother for life, cut that umbilical cord, and give your wife the love she deserves from you. A wife who has to endure an overbearing mother in-law and a little boy for a husband is going to feel resentment and quite a bit of animosity towards her in-laws and her husband. Could this be why some women become unsatisfied and controlling with their husbands? They are not getting their needs met in the marriage!
“For this reason a man will leave his father and MOTHER and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” (Ephesians 5:31)
Have you ever heard the saying, “loose lips sink ships”? One of the worse things you can do is go running to your in-laws with your marital problems. When you start involving them in your private business they start to think your business is their business. Worse yet, is the wife who goes running to her mommy for every little thing going wrong in the marriage? She still has not severed the umbilical cord with her mommy. I used to do this, and I found out the hard way how detrimental to my marriage it really was.
In-laws, parents, sons and daughters all should keep their feet on their own footstool. This is not out of animosity but out of love and respect for each other. Sons and daughters should be aware of how their parents might be treating the person they married in the wrong way. Could it be because of something you have said or done? All children need to love, honor, and respect their parents, but that does not include taking love and respect away from the person you married in the process.
The bottom line is, grow up and take responsibility for your marriage. You’re not married to your mommy or daddy. You have a wife/husband now so sever that umbilical cord and love the person you married with the love they deserve from you.