Years ago one of my dearest friendships was destroyed. I agonized over the loss of it, and felt forlorn and adrift without it. The details of what caused the separation aren't important. What is important, is that someone who I had known and loved as a sister for over ten years, had been removed from my life. The loss of this friendship left me deeply wounded. It also left me feeling betrayed, abandoned, and worthless.
I won't lie to you. It took me years to get a clear perspective on this whole situation. I might add, it is a perspective that is far and away from what I believed to be the truth back then.
At the beginning of this faith lesson. I believed I had been robbed, that this friendship had been snatched away from me by an un-named thief. I felt violated, and cast aside into a sea of grief and self-pity. I remained adrift for a long time before I realized it was getting me nowhere.
After a period of time, and God opening up my understanding, I realized that this person had never cared for me the way I thought they did. I had thought we were as close as sisters, and I had loved my friend like she was my sister. However, to this person I was just one of several friendships she had.
As the revelation of this sank in, I was tempted to feel like I'd been used and then thrown aside. That is, until God spoke to my heart one day. I had been drifting in my sea of grief and self-pity, letting my mind rehearse all the wrongs that had been done to me. When God spoke to my heart and asked: "Do you really believe it is her fault that you believed she cared more than she did? Is it fair to be angry at her for something you misjudged?" Even now I want to groan out loud from the memory of realizing I had been handling this whole ordeal the wrong way. I knew God had showed me this truth for a reason, and that reason was to set me free from this bondage to grief and self-pity that had consumed my life.
And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. - John 8:32
When God revealed this powerful truth to me I was given the choice to either stay in my bondage, or be set free. I chose freedom.
I knew the first thing I needed to do was start confessing my sin. Then I asked God to help me forgive and fully understand how unfair it was to feel anger toward this person just because they didn't care for me the way I thought they did. It wasn't their fault that I had misinterpreted the relationship we had shared. I had to claim ownership for my mistake. Once I did that, my journey toward freedom began.
There were many times I was tempted to jump back into my sea of grief and self-pity, but I continued to chose freedom. As the months passed that sea started to fade into the distance. Now, I remember it only as a learning tool to help me go through each new faith lesson. It is just part of my nature now to ask God if my perspective on a situation is accurate, and if it isn't to please correct my vision.
The moment that I felt completely free from this bondage happened one day when my heart was heavily burdened. I was crying out to God in prayer and begging him to please restore this friendship that was lost. I ached for reconciliation with this person. Then, God softly spoke to my heart and said: "There is nothing to restore." Even though this lost friendship was real to me, in reality it was only fiction. In essence, I had only been grieving for what was imagined. With that knowledge I was set free.
As always when I write of my experience with God, it is so I may help others who may be facing a similar trial. I pray you find help by what I have revealed, and that you too may experience freedom as a result.
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From the beginning the Lord let me know I was to share whatever He inspired me to write. Now, over a decade later, I'm still sharing what He's given.
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