Christian Articles for All of your Publishing Needs!

Translate this Page Here




Word Count: 902

Send Article To Friend Print/Use Article

Contact Angie Lewis

Being Assertive Is Good For Marriage

by Angie Lewis  
6/26/2008 / Marriage

Being assertive is a good thing for marriage because it lets our spouse know how we are feeling and that means productive communication. Anytime we express ourselves to our spouse in a good way we are being confident in what we are saying and that is what assertiveness is.

Don't confuse assertive behavior with being bossy, pushy, controlling, demanding, or aggressive because those behaviors will not help you in your communications with your spouse or with any others you are in a relationship with. These behaviors are inappropriate actions and will result in unproductive expression of self.

When we assert ourselves, such as the way we feel, to our spouse, it helps them to understand us better, and that way they can meet our needs in a much better way, which is beneficial for the marriage. Being assertive is useful for marriage, especially during a misunderstanding or argument.

Assertive expression is a good way to communicate if we want to improve the openness and intimacy of our marriage. Most of us married people need and want a spouse who is going to be open and assertive with their feelings, need, and wants. But sometimes we can come across as naggy, bossy, or complaining, so we need to be careful how we assert ourselves. Discernment is the key here.

Be Assertive When

1. Be assertive when you need your spouse to know how you feel

2. Be assertive when you need to assert self-confidence in your ability about something

3. Be assertive when you feel that your spouse does not understand how you feel

4. Be assertive when you have children that need to obey your house rules

5. Be assertive when you want to show more self-assurance in certain areas of your life

6. Be assertive when you need to be open and honest

7. Be assertive when you find yourself people-pleasing

Don't Be Assertive If

1. Don't be assertive if it is going to hurt someone emotionally, mentally, or spiritually

2. Don't be assertive if it does not let someone know how you feel about something

3. Don't be assertive if you are being pushy, controlling, or aggressively assertive

4. Don't be assertive if you are annoying or invalidating

5. Don't be assertive if it makes you selfish

The best way to tell your spouse how you feel about something without them overthrowing your feelings is to first validate them and their opinion. Be positive first and then assert your own feelings and thoughts. Never put down, deny, or invalidate the way a person feels. Everyone thinks and feels differently and we should never deny another persons feelings, even if it differs from our own.

If you are having an argument with your spouse, it is perfectly ok to assert your feelings and express yourself productively, meaning, if it is going to help the argument get to a resolve, than by all means tell it like it is. Be politely assertive and it will help the outcome of the argument.

How To Be Politely Assertive

1. Be respectful at all times

2. Say how you feel, but don't say how someone else feels

3. Stay positive about the feelings of another

4. Be open and honest about how you feel

People-pleasing spouses usually do not assert themselves and they end up feeling resentful and disappointed with the marriage. This is very detrimental to the marriage. Not only does your spouse not know how you feel but also they will not be able to assist in the recovery of your feelings through a resolution because they do not know what you want or need.

What is people-pleasing? People-pleaser's want everyone to be happy. They work hard to make sure to please everyone but themselves. Resentment settles in causing animosity and other negative feelings. Ironically neither spouse is happy in this kind of marriage because the receiving spouse feels the resentment and bitterness of the people-pleaser spouse from their emotions and behaviors.

Unfortunately, I have seen it happen over and over again, when a spouse does not speak up about what they want and need they become like a punching bag. They take in lots of taunting, rejection, and disrespect. But the minute they begin to assert themselves with self-confidence to their spouse they start getting the respect they deserve.

The truth is we can still please our spouse and get what we want too, by being assertive about our wants and needs. We need to find balance that brings joy and happiness to the marriage. We shouldn't become selfish to be assertive, but we should become assertive to bring more happiness into the marriage.

We can only please ourselves by letting others know how we feel. And when we do assert ourselves we feel more loving. Love will flow freely from our heart and this is real love. We assert ourselves so we can be more loving! Now, what spouse does not want to be genuinely loved by the man or woman they married? Strangely enough, the more we please ourselves, the better marriage partner we become. With our own needs fulfilled, we will have so much more to give.

Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another. No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us. ( 1 John 4:11,12)

Forgive Your Spouse of Adultery And Save Your Christian Marriage:
Visit our marriage Healing Ministry:

Article Source: WRITERS

If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! Click here and TRUST JESUS NOW

Read more articles by Angie Lewis

Like reading Christian Articles? Check out some more options. Read articles in Main Site Articles, Most Read Articles or our highly acclaimed Challenge Articles. Read Great New Release Christian Books for FREE in our Free Reads for Reviews Program. Or enter a keyword for a topic in the search box to search our articles.

User Comments

Enter comments below. Due to spam, all hyperlinks posted in the comments are now immediately disabled by our system.

Please type the following word below:

Not readable? Change text.

The opinions expressed by authors do not necessarily reflect the opinion of

Hire a Christian Writer, Christian Writer Wanted, Christian Writer Needed, Christian Content Needed, Find a Christian Editor, Hire a Christian Editor, Christian Editor, Find a Christian Writer

Main FaithWriters Site | Acceptable Use Policy

By using this site you agree to our Acceptable Use Policy .

© All rights reserved. Free Reprint Articles - Your place for Christian articles, Christian poems, Christian stories and much more.