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God's Recipe Book

by Ruth Baker
9/19/2008 / Humor

God's Recipe Book

The Bible is God's one and only original recipe book for Christian living. These recipes are free for anyone who desires to follow the "Master Baker's" directions for a new and exciting creation--the Christian life as a true Christ follower. Each recipe is intended to contain some truths and levity in a way that I hope you will find amusing.

Credits: All recipes and ingredients are free of charge for all who want them. They were bought and paid for by our Sponsor, Jesus Christ.

Recipe for Disaster--Warning: God does not recommend this recipe

Ingredients:
1 innocent but God-fearing individual, devoid of Christian doctrines or Bible knowledge
1 knock on the door
1 false teacher

Directions: Add each ingredient in the order given and mix together.

Pressure cook this mixture
in your living room or kitchen for six months or until fully seasoned and thoroughly cooked. The end result is two false teachers.

Helpful Hints:

1.) This mixture often multiplies itself time and again.

2.) Each recipe, however multiplied, serves one: a man-made religious organization.

SUNDAE CHRISTIAN

This recipe contains multiple sin ingredients and takes a full six days to prepare before the
creation is finished.

Ingredients:

Monday: tell dirty jokes
Tuesday: several swear words
Wednesday: slap a spouse's face
Thursday: a heap of preacher bashing
Friday: One evening drinking to excess
Saturday: One day of gambling at the casino

Directions: Take one mixing bowl of any size or shape and add Monday's ingredient. Let rest over night. Follow these directions for each day of the week until the last one is added on Saturday.

On Sunday morning the mixture will have a different texture and consistency that may
resemble ice cream. Take the mixture and put it in a fancy dish. Cover it with a large container of whipped hypocrisy cream. Add the final touch by topping with a candied self-righteous cherry.

The product is finished when it is taken to church and set it on a pew.

Helpful Hint:
Any sin ingredient may be substituted for those given in this recipe and the product will turn out the same way every time.

HARVEST FRUIT

Start by finding as many clay pots as possible. You will find them everywhere in the world and they come in all sizes, shapes, and colors. They will already be filled to the brim with sin and death soil. Don't worry if the soil is lumpy and contains a few rocks.

Next, take your Gospel seeds and plant them as deep and as best as you can.

Do not wait by the first pot that you have planted, but go on to the others you find. NOTE: other cooks will follow you to water and cultivate what you have planted. You may, however, return to any pot as often as you like.

Patience is a key ingredient at this stage. This will enable you to wait and watch as God makes the seeds grow into Harvest Fruit for His Kingdom.

Special Helpful Hint: If you do not have the necessary Gospel Seeds ingredient, you may always find and obtain them completely free of charge from God's Recipe Book, bought and paid for by our Sponsor, Jesus Christ.

Contact information: for individual recipes or requests for free ingredients or salvation:

Call toll free to: Father & Son, Inc.
1-800-H-E-A-V-E-N

The Father will receive your call when you tell
Him that you are calling in His Son Jesus' name. You will immediately be given tried and true recipes, which will be personally delivered by the Holy Spirit courier.
The only requirement is that you must have a current repentant address for the order to be completed and delivered.

Article Source: http://www.faithwriters.com-CHRISTIAN WRITERS

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