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Why I'm Glad I'm Not My Dad

by Sharlyn Guthrie  
11/15/2008 / Humor

Why I'm Glad I'm Not My Dad
(Top Ten Reasons)

Number 10:
I would have to remember all those stories about the old days and put up with my family rolling their eyes at me when I repeated them.

Number 9:
My idea of a great toy would be a brand new mulching lawn mower with variable speeds and a twenty-two inch deck.

Number 8:
My back would ache from all those piggy back rides.

Number 7:
I would know the way to the service station and the hardware store, but I wouldn't have the slightest idea how to get to Aragom's Secret Level 10.

Number 6:
My right arm would always be out of joint from swinging it backwards at the kid acting up in the back seat, while steering with the left one.

Number 5:
I would get very tired of apologizing to my kids, my wife, the dog, and the neighbors for accusing them of taking the tools I absent-mindedly misplaced.

Number 4:
I would hate spending an hour in the bathroom every day. (What does he do in there, anyway? And why does he need a book?)

Number 3:
Can you imagine having to ask your kids to interpret your text messages? How embarrassing!

Number 2:
I would have to learn how to say all those famous dad phrases like:
"Listen here, Buster!"
"Don't make me say this twice."
"Not while you're under my roof!"
"We're not lost. I just don't know where we are."

Number 1:
And the number one reason why I'm glad I'm not my dad is this:
Kissing on the lips? That's just plain gross!

I love the Lord Jesus with all of my heart. Besides being a teacher, I have been a newspaper guest columnist and have had several short stories and poems published. I love extracting beauty from the ordinary: vegetables, notes, fabric, flowers, paper, weeds, words.
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