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Counselorâs Corner: How to Get Back Up After a Major Setback

by stephanie reck  
9/21/2021 / Self Help

One definition of setback is to slow the progress of-to hinder or delay. I wonder what has set you back? Death of a loved one, health concerns, or divorce. For me, it's been coping with the loss of a good friend to COVID, another friend that was in ICU for several weeks with COVID, and a dear neighbor in the hospital with pneumonia. The one that caused the greatest setback was my healthy, young friend dying from COVID. There have been other small things that have been lurking around, but I still managed to bounce back fairly quickly, even going through my father’s cancer diagnosis and treatments this last year. When I lost my beloved dog of 18 years several months ago, that was a big setback for me. It took me several weeks to feel somewhat normal, and about 2 months before I felt like there had been a light at the end of the tunnel. Grief has a way of slowing you down.

 

Grief had slowed my motivation, my creativity, my energy, and productivity. When these types of life setbacks occur, do what you can. When the time comes after you have properly healed, you will be able to get back up again.

 

Listed below are some practical steps you can take to get back up after a major setback:

 

Take the time that you need to rest. Major setbacks in life have a way of draining you, so take the time that you need to feel rejuvenated again. There is not a time limit on how much extra rest you need. Listen to your body, if you feel worn-out and rundown that’s a sign your body is saying that you still need recovery time.

 

Keep praying and seeking God. He may feel distant, but don’t stop bringing your deepest feelings to God. God is faithful and though you may not understand why certain things happen, keep meeting and showing up with God daily.

 

Take the time to grieve. Grief is a natural process that happens after we lose someone or something important to us. It is normal for several weeks to several months after a loss, to not feel like yourself. If you work through your grief in healthy ways and do not suppress the loss, the severity of the pain should lessen in a few weeks. There is no time limit on how long you should grieve. It’s normal not to be fully functional for several weeks after a loss, but if you are unable to function in any capacity after several weeks, this is an indicator that you may have a deeper issue.

 

You may need to process what your setback is with a trusted friend, by journaling, seeking counseling, and/or with God. There is a time and a place to process life events, but this should not be our main focus every day. You may need to spend 15-20 minutes daily for a while processing, but then you would benefit from moving forward with your day afterward. Of course, there will be triggers that can come during your day, and when they do allow yourself to process what you are feeling, then move forward with something positive.

 

Begin to accept what you cannot change, and stop trying to figure out why it happened and what you could have to prevent it. Acceptance brings healing. You will not be able to properly heal staying focused on what you cannot change.

 

Remember what brought you joy before your setback, and add joy back to your life. This may seem strange to do at first, Start small, such as remembering that you like to watch the sunrise and then make a plan to go and do that. Every day add joy to your life. Keep it simple at first and when you are able add more joy to your life.

 

When a major setback occurs, remember it feel like more like a marathon than a race. This means healing is a process and can feel slow and overwhelming, but when you have properly allowed yourself to heal one day you will get up and feel like yourself again, this may be a few weeks or a little longer for some. Just know that if you keep up with the practical steps I listed above, you will one day feel stronger physically, mentally, and spiritually.

Stephanie R. Reck, LMSW, LBT, BCCC
Stephanie Reck, Coaching & Consultation Services
www.stephaniereck.com
[email protected]
Stephanie Reck Coaching & Consultation Services, @2024
Author of, "Disciplining Your Mind 30 Days to a Better You!"

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