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If You Must Put Your Loved One in a Nursing Home

by Tonja Taylor
2/02/2022 / Womens Interest

And God is able to make all grace (every favor and earthly blessing) come to you in abundance, so that you may always and under all circumstances and whatever the need be self-sufficient [possessing enough to require no aid or support and furnished in abundance for every good work and charitable donation].--2 Corinthians 9:8, AMPC

I don't know anyone whose loved one has desired to go to a nursing home, really, although God gives grace to the needy ones to accept it, and to those of us who are the agents in this process. He is faithful, gracious, and good, forever!

"I'm not going to a nursing home" my mother, who just turned 80 a few days ago, would declare, as yet another caretaker decided to not resume their services to her. However, when she got so weak she could not even get herself up to go to the bathroom in the night, and woke in her own waste, something had to be done.

She had been a widow for over four years, and had suffered much through the decades, both physically and emotionally. Rheumatoid arthritis had greatly twister her hands and feet, even her back. She had had many infirmities through the years, and, like the woman with the issue of blood, had spent much money and time with many physicians--all to little avail.

Unfortunately, and other than on a rare occasions, she and Dad had not been in church nor reading or listening to the Word of God, for decades. She said she prayed.

Through the years, even though she and I had accepted Christ over four decades earlier and had been baptized at the same time, I had truly doubted her salvation, and had been frustrated at her lack of interest and even scorn for the things of God. She'd softened toward my "God talk" since Dad had been gone, and had sometimes watched preaching on TV, she'd say.

The LORD convicted me that I was not her judge, and that only He had any idea what she had truly been through. I had to repent!

We had had many struggles and did not have a good relationship through the years; not close emotionally, although she and Dad had been good parents and grandparents to my daughter through the years. There were many things I admired about them, and they were respected in the community, although they rarely fellowshipped with anyone other than their biological family members.

I'd spent decades trying to reconcile all of this in my soul. The LORD was using this process of me having to take care of this matter with her to bring healing and deliverance to me, and to help me make a paradigm shift. Especially because of various traumas she'd been through, she had no memory of the past, especially all those hurts that had come through her. The LORD had to show me that I'd been holding on to these things, and He helped me truly give them to Him!

Because I'd been forced to take her to various doctor appointments (and she had a lot!) after her caretaker suddenly "dropped off the ledge" and didn't come back, and there was no one else to take her, I'd been learning to be more patient and appreciative and to just give my negative emotions to the LORD. I did not want to be there, as her "nursemaid." She'd wanted me to be a nurse, but that was not my field, and although I admire them, I did not want to be in the medical field, nor have anything to do with it.

I hated going to the doctor, and had avoided many doctor visits, because the LORD had been teaching me to eat organic and NON-gmo foods and otherwise walk in wisdom, while mainly stand on His Word for healing.

So as Genesis 50:20, and Romans 8:28 say, the LORD was truly working all of this together for our best and His glory! He always will, if we allow Him to!

Although she'd had three vaccinations for the corona virus, and was full of various medicines to treat many afflictions, she still got covid. I had no idea she had called an ambulance to pick her up in the middle of the night.

The hospital was so crowded, that she never got a regular room, but had to stay in an ER room. There, she had nausea for three days, and didn't eat anything, which made her very weak.

Her 80th birthday was that third day, and I baked and decorated a birthday cake and took it to her. We had favor to go in and take her a piece, and then the doctor came and released her.

She's always been a trooper--very strong in spirit and somehow (through the Grace and Mercy of God!) finding a way to accomplish what she wanted to do, although her physical activity had greatly decreased the past year.

We did not realize how very weak she really was.

My husband and I had been under the impression that a woman who'd cared for her in the past was going to spend that night with her, but it didn't happen. We found out after the fact.

So, we spent the next night with her, and had nurses assess her. They both said it was unsafe for her to stay there without 24/7 help, and of course my husband and I could not do that, because of other obligations.

So, I reminded myself that the good LORD--Who knows all things before they ever happen, praise Him!--had all of this already worked out. Hallelujah!

Remember the former things of old, For I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like Me, Declaring the end from the beginning, And from ancient times things that are not yet done, Saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, And I will do all My pleasure,’--Isaiah 46:9-10, NKJV

We have to learn to "take the emotion out of it," as He told me years ago, and trust Him. He is faithful forever, and with us always, to be our Refuge and Strength (Psalm 46:1), and our great Peace!

Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen.--Matthew 28:19-20, NKJV

Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.--John 14:27, NKJV

There are many things I've learned through this process. I believe the LORD wants me to share them with you, to help you or others you know who may have to face this.

After hearing "horror stories" of what happens in nursing homes, and in experiencing the depressive atmosphere and less-than-pleasant smells during the seven years that my husband and I ministered monthly (worship and the Word) at a local nursing home--where cameras were forbidden--I did not have a good attitude about nursing homes.

Just like churches, the buildings and ornamentation may be grand and beautiful, but it's truly about the spirit--the attitude--of the people on the inside.

Yes, as a teacher in public schools, I had purposely planned and taken some of my elementary classes to sing Christmas carols and "cheer up the old folks." But it was never a place I'd truly consider working, or sending my loved one.

Now, though, it was truly a necessity. It was practically an emergency situation. Again, the holy LORD knows every moment of our lives and is never caught by surprise (Revelation 4:8). That is such a great comfort to me!

Here are several tips to help you:

(1) Pray for your loved one and speakg Scriptures over that person, as well as printing verses off to give to them to read. Psalm 23 and Psalm 91 are excellent. Also ask the LORD to put His Grace all over every part of the process, from your attitude; to that of your loved one; to the finances (MediCare pays for most if not all of such care); to the attentiveness and excellence of those caring for your lovd one in the home; to schedules, especially if you have to miss work; to care for your loved one if they are going to get out.

(With my mother, it was a temporary thing for her to get physical therapy and be strong enough to stay in her own home. For most, moving to a nursing home is a permanent thing. There is a kind of "death cycle" either way, with denial and anger and grief, and all that, then finally acceptance and healing, but the LORD can greatly shorten and lessen the pain, and strengthen relationships through this, as only He can!)

(2) Be sure and get as much extra rest and water and time in worship and the Word as you can, while also asking others close to you to pray. You need and deserve extra support at this time. Don't worry if you have conflicting emotions. Remind yourself that, if you didn't care, you would have not done anything. God is with you and is helping you. He loves you and your loved one, and He's not mad at anybody!

(3) Make sure your loved one has a phone to get in touch with you and others. A tablet or other electronic devide, and/or art supplies, writing journal, crosswords, etc., are good. Make them feel as much at home as possible.

(4) Don't let them wear you out with requests. While I had emailed and called my mother every day for the past couple years, I only physically visited about once a week, aside from appointments. Don't be under false obligation to visit every day. Keep it about the same, with maybe a few extra visits ever so often, because your loved one would expect you to come every day, and you cannot do that if you work or have other obligations.

(5) Label electronics, clothing, and every other item of your loved ones with their first initial and last name. Use a permanent marker.

(6) Keep their billfold, all money, and all important documents with you, not at the nursing home. They do not need money for any reason if they are in skilled nursing/a nursing home! All their medicines, food, and other needs are covered by the insurance.

(7) Encourage them to make friends and watch positive programming. There's enough depression in the place and on television, without adding to their stress.

(8) Introduce yourself to the administration, the nurses, the aides, the physical therapists, the custodians, and anyone else you see working there. Be sure and tell them thank you! It's often a thankless job in places like this, and we all like to be appreciated it. Also, you'll be gaining respect and favor for your loved one by doing this.

(9) Check on your loved one daily if possible, and visit as you can, and have others visit, without letting those in charge know when you are coming. Be sure and be positive and make suggestion. When my mother was in the facility a few days, I called her and she was moaning that she was hurting really badly, and that no one would bring her medicine. My mom has been melodramatic often in the past, but I knew the doc had Xrayed her and that she really did have much back pain. So I could not get there physically, but called and called and called, and got no answer from the nurse, but finally got the receptionist to get the nurse to give her her meds.

(10) Realize that, no matter how smooth things go at first, like when my mother finally agreed to go, knowing that she could not take care of herself and at the time there was no 24/7 help otherwise, after a few days the "shock" will set in and the loved one may freak out. Keep in peace yourself, and speak calmly to your loved one. Remind them how much God and you love them, and that He is with them always. Do whatever else the LORD shows you to do.

May these insights and my transparency help you, along with the practical tips.

The LORD is truly beautiful for every situation!

Tonja and her husband live to exalt God. They lift Him up in books (P.O.W.E.R. Girl!; LEGACY; Visions of the King; Your Holy Health; more); presentations; service in church, community, and the world; and via the "River Rain Creative" (309 videos) and "POWERLight Learning" You Tube channels.

Article Source: http://www.faithwriters.com-CHRISTIAN WRITERS

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