How Serious a Sin Is Sex outside Marriage? Free Reprint Article

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How Serious a Sin Is Sex outside Marriage?

by Max Aplin
7/03/2024 / Relationships

In Western culture today, anyone who says that sex is only appropriate within a marriage relationship is usually treated with mockery and contempt. This is seen as an extremely old-fashioned and restrictive thing to believe, something that may have looked in place in the 19th century but looks pretty ridiculous today.

For Christians, however, whether things seem old-fashioned or are the latest fashion is beside the point. Unlike fashions, which come and go, God is unchanging, and this means that the values of the Bible are also unchanging. If Scripture has something to say about a moral issue, then it is true just as much today as it was in the past.

What the Bible says about sex and marriage, therefore, is the key thing. So what does it say? Does it teach that sex is only appropriate in marriage relationships?

Yes it does. Let’s look at a couple of passages that teach this.

1 Corinthians 7

In 1 Corinthians 7 the apostle Paul spends some time talking about sex and marriage. Verses 8-9 are especially relevant for our purposes in this article, and they read as follows:

‘8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.’ (ESV)

In this passage Paul speaks positively about remaining single, but he notes that lack of sexual self-control is a problem. And if Christians have poor sexual self-control, what does he say they should do? They should marry.

Prostitution was extremely common in Corinth in Paul’s day. So in these verses Paul is clearly implying that visiting prostitutes is sinful (and other passages in 1 Corinthians are even clearer on this).

But what about having a long-term girlfriend or boyfriend as a sexual partner? Is Paul prohibiting that too?

Sometimes you will hear people argue in the following way on this point:

In the first-century Greek culture of places like Corinth, people didn’t really have girlfriends and boyfriends in the way that people in modern Western culture do. So when Paul says that Christians with poor sexual self-control should aim to marry, he is just thinking in terms of the categories of people who existed at that time, i.e., those who were unattached and those who were married. Paul is therefore not saying anything about the rights or wrongs of having long-term sexual partners other than a husband or wife. This just wasn’t an issue that he faced.

So what should we make of this argument? Is it any good?

The answer to this is a clear no. It is simply not true that in first-century Greek culture people didn’t have long-term girlfriends and boyfriends as sexual partners. It may not have been as common as it is in Western culture today, but it was hardly uncommon.

So Paul’s prohibition should be understood to include sexual relationships between long-term girlfriends and boyfriends. And if it includes these, it certainly includes all sexual relationships outside marriage.

Genesis 2

Another important passage for our topic is Genesis 2:23-24, where we read:

‘23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.’ (ESV)

Note how in v. 24 Moses says that when a man leaves his parents and gets married, he will become ‘one flesh’ with his wife. Becoming one flesh is a reference to the physical joining of sexual intercourse. So this passage is teaching that it is God’s will for sex to take place within marriage.

But what about sex outside marriage? Is the passage implying anything about the rights or wrongs of that?

It makes sense to believe that it is. There seems to be quite a strong implication in v. 24 that the becoming one flesh is only appropriate when a man leaves his father and mother and holds fast to his wife.

Let me try to explain why by drawing a comparison. Something else that husbands and wives do together is eat meals. But eating meals together is obviously appropriate in many contexts for all sorts of people, not just husbands and wives.

Suppose for a moment that v. 24 read as follows:

‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall eat meals together.’

Doesn’t this look a strange thing to say? Why bother mentioning that a husband will eat meals with his wife, when all sorts of people eat together? It looks too commonplace a thing to say in the context of introducing the institution of marriage.

I would suggest that the same would be true of becoming one flesh, if this were appropriate in a variety of contexts. It would be too commonplace a thing to bother mentioning when introducing the institution of marriage.

But if becoming one flesh were only appropriate in marriage, all strangeness disappears. Now there would be nothing commonplace about becoming one flesh. On the contrary, this would be something that is designed to exist uniquely in marriage. So we can easily understand why Moses would mention it when introducing the institution of marriage.

Therefore, it makes sense to believe that this passage is implying that sexual intercourse is only appropriate within marriage.

Sex outside marriage leads to hell

So the Bible teaches that sex outside marriage is a sin. But what are the consequences of committing this sin?

Well, if someone has committed this sin in the past and they have put their trust in Jesus for salvation, they will have been forgiven.

But what about those who unrepentantly commit this sin at the present time? What are the consequences for them?

We need to be very clear that these people are firmly on track for punishment in hell. Of course, Christians are saved from hell not by doing good deeds but by faith in Christ alone. But crucially, genuine, saving faith is always accompanied by an abundance of good deeds. These good deeds don’t save, but they are evidence of saving faith.

For example, Jesus tells us in Matt 7:17-19 that every good tree produces good fruit, and that every tree that doesn’t produce good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Similarly, we are told in James 2:17-19 that faith without (good) deeds is dead and will benefit people no more than it will benefit demons.

Especially relevant for our purposes in this article is 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, where Paul writes:

‘9 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, 10 nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.’ (ESV)

We must note clearly that Paul is explicit here that the sexually immoral will not inherit the kingdom of God. In other words, those who unrepentantly commit this sin will end up in hell (unless they decide to repent, understood).

Just as sobering is Revelation 21:8, where God declares in no uncertain terms:

‘But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.’ (ESV)

Again, there is no sugar-coating anything here. People who are unrepentant of sexual immorality are on track for the fire of hell.

It is normal for fighting sin to have a high cost

It is not uncommon for Christians to make excuses to try to justify having sex outside marriage. One common excuse goes as follows:

I agree that it is God’s will as a general rule for sex only to take place within marriage. But I am not married and I find it so difficult and painful to live without sex that I don’t believe God expects me to live like that. So I believe God is OK with me having sex outside marriage.

I would suggest that this is a lie that Satan often uses. In reality, when we look at the Bible, we find that it is normal for fighting against sin to have a very high cost associated with it.

In Luke 9:23, for example, Jesus says:

‘23 If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.’ (ESV)

To take up your cross daily is partly a metaphor describing the cost of following Jesus. In and of itself, this metaphor makes it clear that this cost is typically very high.

But the literal aspect of these words should also be taken into account. Jesus is saying that any follower of his needs to be willing every day to be literally crucified for his sake if need be! In other words, it is normal Christian discipleship to be prepared to pay an enormously high price for following the Lord.

The words of Hebrews 12:4 are also very relevant here. In this verse the author states:

‘In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.’ (ESV)

The point is that although following Jesus hasn’t yet cost the readers their lives, it may come to this in the future. And note the explicit reference here to a ‘struggle against sin’. It is fighting against sin, which will certainly include fighting temptation, that is so costly.

And this fight will certainly include fighting sexual temptations. So those who make excuses because they find this a hard fight are deceiving themselves. In actual fact, they are on the road to eternal destruction.

God is with us to help us

I don’t want to make light of the pain that can be involved in fighting temptations. I know how hard it can be.

But we need to trust that God knows exactly where we are at and that he loves us deeply. If we are submitting to his will, he won’t let our lives become a misery.

As the apostle Paul says in Philippians 4:19:

‘And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.’ (ESV)

We must all hold tightly on to this promise.