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Amazing Grace

by Amanda Rose
12/24/2024 / Relationships

OK, this is my very first time writing nonfiction, so please bear with me.

When I was younger, I was pretty mean. I was rude and blunt and didn’t care how it made people feel. Therefore, people often didn’t want to be around me, and I found it very difficult to keep the “friends” that I thought I had.

But one day, all of that changed.

Two older girls that I knew—today we’ll call them [AppleJack] and [StarGirl]—began reaching out to me. They were kind, polite, and considerate… Everything that I was not. Over time, our friendship grew, and I began to change for the better. Little did I know that there was plenty of change yet to come.

[AppleJack] and [StarGirl] are now dearer to me than sisters. {And we’ve actually just found out that we’re also extended cousins! Imagine that!!}

Anyway, about a year and a half ago, this boy we all know—we’ll call him [Knight] since he likes chess a lot—started showing an obvious interest in [AppleJack]. Thus, they started to spend a lot more time together, which made things a tad awkward for [StarGirl] and me at certain times.

Before then, (and I’m ashamed every time I remember it, but) I had merely considered [Knight] as an anti-social chess geek who didn’t have anything to say that would make any difference to me or make any ripples in the puddle of my life. But when he and [AppleJack] had started to look like an item, I had only wanted him out of our corner, so to speak.

I slowly began to nurse a grudge against [Knight] because I felt he was instigating a very large change that would greatly affect my life. I realize now how dramatic and silly that sounds, but it was the way I felt then.

So, whenever he would come and talk to the three of us, I would go quiet and hardly give him the time of day. Part of me didn’t realize I did so, but part of me did and just thought it was his due.

Anyway, eventually all of our peers got together at a friend’s house for—we’ll call him [Ryan]—‘s birthday. We stayed up all night and played games, ate chips, and drank soda pop until the next morning. It was great! It was a lot of fun but that’s not why I hold that memory in such a high regard.

At about 2am, the rest of the guys decided they wanted to spend the next hour and a half playing MarioKart on the WII. I wasn’t interested in joining, so I sat down on the floor, leaning against the wall near the kitchen (Which was surprisingly comfortable, I might add) where I had a pretty good vantage point to watch them race.

A few minutes later, [Knight] came over. I wish I could remember the entire conversation, but, as it was 2am, my memory is a bit hazy, so I will record here what I do remember, and briefly explain the parts that I don’t completely recall.

“Hello.” He said as he sat down next to me.

“Hi.” I replied uncertainly, as this was kind of out of character.

Then he said two words that changed my view of him forever.

“How’s life?” I looked at him in surprise and saw in his eyes that he actually cared about the answer I was going to give. After a brief hesitation, I decided to give him the true answer, rather than the one I had down pat.

“Not ideal.” I then proceeded to tell him everything about my home life, how it made me feel, how afraid I was of continuing such dysfunctional cycles in my own family one day. I told him things that even I had barely begun to understand. And he just listened. He didn’t interrupt, didn’t put me down, didn’t tell me I was crazy. He just listened. When I finally finished with,

“Ha! I’m sure you didn’t expect all of that when you asked me how I was, but there it is.” We both kinda chuckled and after a few moments of silence, when he was finished pondering, he replied.

“Well… I wouldn’t worry too much about repeating your parent’s mistakes if I were you. That’s their problem, not yours, and as long as you stay in God’s Word, and desire His Will for your life, I’m sure you’ll do just fine.” I couldn’t believe my ears. I thanked him, and when there was another small break of silence, I realized something.

I was comfortable in the silence. Usually I try to end conversations when there are long silences because they are awkward. But, these silences were comfortable. It wasn’t awkward, it wasn’t weird. It was just two people comfortable in their own skin. Then [Knight] spoke again.

“You know… Usually I find it… Difficult to like you.” I wasn’t sure how to respond to that so I just let him talk.

“You can be really exclusive and opinionated. And whenever I come to talk with you and the girls, you all go quiet as I approach, and then you start laughing. I can’t help but think that you’re laughing at me, and it makes me feel pretty left out. That happened pretty much every time, so eventually I just stopped trying.” I didn’t know what I could say. I decided it was time to say something so I came up with this.

“Well, when you come to talk to us, you look like you have something specific to say, so we quiet and wait for you to say it. Then when you don’t say anything, we feel awkward for going quiet, and our response to awkwardness is laughter.”

He gave an unconvinced yet thoughtful “Hmm.”

After we talked a little more about that, we went quiet again. After somebody won on the MarioKart, [Knight] spoke again.

“Well, I think that’s enough deep talk for one night, don’t you?”

We laughed and I agreed. Then we talked about other things like what books we like to read, what authors we like the best, things like that. After a little while, the guys finished the MarioKart and we played a few group games before going home to sleep it off.

Ever since that night, [Knight] and I have been what I can proudly call friends. Nobody will ever be as dear to me as [AppleJack] and [StarGirl], but [Knight] does now rank close behind. And because of that very frank conversation, I have been much more aware of my actions and how they make others feel, and how to be a better representative of Christ and how to love others the way I am supposed to.

Now, I see [Knight] as an intelligent young man who knows the Bible and who is a good guy overall, and who I am OK with as a match for my friend if that is something that they both want and feel is God’s Will for them.

And that is yet another story of God’s Amazing Grace that He gives to us when we deserve it the least.

Amanda Rose, an Italian-Mexican-Irish mix, was born in Southern California, but from the age of six, she grew up in the wild beauty of Southwestern Alaska. She can often be found drinking insane amounts of coffee, and is always open to recommendations of new books, coffees or teas to try :)

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