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Waiting is Good for You

by KRISTI S
10/31/2006 / Parenting

Waiting . . .
is good for you!

Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint. (From Isaiah 40)

I am still waiting for my body to tell me that it will be hours before this little blessing arrives. I know it's getting closer because I'm seeing some of the tell-tale signs that I have seen before in the last two pregnancies, and I hope to have an uplifting, God-glorifying story to share with you within the next several days.

I think I am more excited about this birth than the previous ones because of 3 reasons: 1)My husband and I actually feel like our home is ready and that we have had a little time to "breathe" after moving here and getting settled (we moved in our house 3 weeks before Lydia was born, and our house flooded 3 weeks before Steven was born); I guess this is more comfort for me than for him, though . . . 2)We have two growing little people in our home already, and we know how exciting it has been to see their personalities develop so much in the last few years . . . it makes our heads spin (in a good way) to imagine all the tiny details of what this child will be like, in body, soul, and mind! We can't wait to meet him/her . . . and 3)We have grown closer to our Savior, our Lord, our God, like no other time in our lives during this pregnancy. This is the best reason I think.

If you've never experienced a relationship with Jesus Christ, or even if you are a Christian but have never walked through a time of marked suffering, trial, or significant growth, you might not relate to me here. You might even throw my words right in the mental garbage can and count them as stupidity. That's alright. But I know who I am, and I know Who I belong to. I know how much it cost Jesus to buy me and all of his children, so I know his work was not in vain. His Word reminds me of this:

I was DEAD before Jesus

I was BLIND before Jesus

I was ADOPTED by God because of Jesus

I have an INHERITANCE because of Jesus

I will LIVE FOREVER with God because of Jesus

I can find JOY in trials because of Jesus

My pastor is preaching us through Ephesians right now, and he ecstatically urged us to find JOY in knowing that God holds on to US, not the other way around. No matter how weak our grip is on the reality of God's power, His strong arm is there holding on to his precious children. I thought about when we found out that this baby was coming. I wrote about it in the baby book last night, and I hope that one day this child will read my words in the book and see that I wasn't mad at God or at him/her, but that I was weak in faith. I'll just say that we weren't full of joy and hope. I was honestly confused and scared like a little girl in the dark. After all, I know my imperfections and struggles more than anybody, and I could almost smell the stinch of fear engulfing my heart as I thought of the difficulty of taking care of little ones and my shortcomings to do the tasks before me. "I'm not even good at taking care of my own husband!" I thought. I remember talking to a friend that night on the phone, who I knew would speak the truth to me, and she reminded me, "This is one more way for God to drill it into your heart that you need Him. You're not going to make it on your own, Kristi. You're not supposed to make it on your own. You were made to need Him . . . "

I had gone through a tragic couple of months with Eric and the rest of the family, and it seemed like a cloud was hovering over my husband for many weeks. This, coupled with fatigue and sickness from the early weeks of pregnancy, seemed to bear down hard on us. I wanted to take care of him, my kids, and myself, and I felt utterly helpless. I wanted to make him happy. "Why can't I make him happy?" You don't have to be a disciple of Jesus very long to learn that humans can't fill the hole in other human hearts - only God can. Eric did not have peace with his job, and our home seemed like an overworn bag, all wound up and about to burst from the tension. Then came a whirlwind season of busyness and anticipation as we prepared to move to a new place. Sure, there have been days of happiness, bits and pieces of laughter and joy, but much like soilders in battle, those moments were scattered and hurried from the events of our constant action. From one thing to another we have come to these last days, and I look back and tempt myself to ask, "How in the world have we survived these months?"

I don't have to blink, and I know the answer.

If you know Jesus, and I mean if you know Jesus, you don't have to blink, either. You know what I'm talking about, don't you? That sweet, almost heavenly bliss of the closeness of Christ. It makes me swell up inside (stop laughing, I don't mean that kind of swelling). It makes my eyes fill with tears as I think of the intimacy a child of God has with his Savior.

Nothing - not food, not sleep, not sex, not nature, not anything . . .
No one - not myself, not my sweet children, not my husband . . .
. . . can replace the intimacy I have with Jesus Christ. He has pulled me close and shown me, again in this phase of my life, what it means to be his child. Oh! I am his child! I can hardly believe it sometimes.

So that is another reason I know I am ready to bring another person into this world. I know labor won't be easy, and I honestly don't look forward to getting up every 2 hours for the next couple of months. But I am ready. I am excited, and I know my husband is, too, because this pregnancy has drawn us near to God.

We have worshipped. And we can rejoice.

So I say to God now, with fear and trembling, but a smile on my 9-month-older face, "Bring this, Your child, to us to cherish, to instruct, and love. We know we aren't alone, and we know the closeness of Christ will be our strength as we raise another warrior for Your kingdom."

Kristi is the wife of Eric, a worship pastor, in South Carolina. She is a mother to three children under the ages of three and enjoys finding God manifesting Himself by grace to her as she serves them from within their home.

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